Stories by Alan Guebert

Money creates intriguing coincidences

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Like Henny “Take my wife — please” Youngman, Steven Wright has built a comedy career on one-line jokes. A classic Wright one-liner unblinkingly and unsmilingly asks: “Twenty-four hours in a day, 24 beers in a case — coincidence?” The question is clever and rhetorical; laughter is its only answer. Lots of coincidences January seemed to […]

NCBA reaches for more checkoff cash

Thursday, January 28, 2010

When the cowboys of the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association ride into San Antonio for the Cattle Industry Annual Convention and NCBA Trade Show Jan. 27, the hottest topic of the four-day meeting won’t be stale markets, packer shenanigans or another ground beef recall. No, the biggest bone to chew will be NCBA’s plan to put […]

And this little piggy squealed …

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Roosters crow, cows moo and pigs squeal. To be more precise, proud roosters crow, contented cows moo and, contrary to popular folklore, scared pigs — not happy ones — squeal. In fact, the more scared the pig, the louder the squeal. This simple piece of farm knowledge was confirmed, again, in a squeal-packed, Jan. 5 […]

Iowa ag titans clash over Leopold Center leader

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Iowa’s Leopold Center for Sustainable Agriculture starts 2010 embroiled in controversy over its next director.

I coulda’ been a contender

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Rare is the new year that begins without me wondering how I took a wrong turn on the road of life and became a writer rather than a highly paid, universally respected, heaven-bound meatpacking executive. Of course it wasn’t my fault; my farming parents bear complete responsibility. Great shortcoming I mention this great shortcoming on […]

“A consistently dour columnist…”

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Come on, you don’t want to end this year reading what an aging aggie like me thinks the “Best Stories of 2009″ are. Easy as it might be — health care, global warming, cap-and-trade, Uncle Honey… What, I already wrote about all those things? OK, how about what you wrote on what I wrote to […]

I can tell you crow tastes like chicken

Thursday, December 17, 2009

One of the worst meals of my life occurred on a stormy June evening in the early 1980s at Milwaukee’s Pfister Hotel. The main course that night was a stringy, tasteless filet of me that my bosses at Successful Farming magazine served up to an unhappy advertiser, Allis Chalmers. The sin that put me on […]

Take it to the non-bank bank

Thursday, December 10, 2009

It was more a wavering non-waiver than another government oldie-but-goodie, a non-denial denial. Still, nothing in the Environmental Protection Agency’s Dec. 1 delay to grant the ethanol industry’s request to boost the current 10 percent ethanol limit in gasoline to 15 percent suggested it won’t happen — and soon. “It is vitally important that the […]

While I can’t do math, I can read

Thursday, December 3, 2009

If you asked unimpeachable sources such as St. Peter or former Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee why so many pretty average people often choose journalism for a career over, say, rocket science or particle physics, the simple, one-word answer you’ll likely get is “mathematics.” Please understand, we journalists do arithmetic reasonably well — addition, division, […]

Remember me? Of course I do, Orlie

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Longtime readers may recall a Thanksgiving column years ago that featured a dinner entree provided by Orlie, the gainfully unemployed younger brother of our farm’s two hired men, Jackie and Howard. How did we end up with three brothers, all bachelors, living together in a provided house on the farm along with their widowed mother? […]

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About Alan

Alan Guebert was raised on an 800-acre, 100-cow southern Illinois dairy farm. After graduation from the University of Illinois in 1980, he served as a writer and editor at Professional Farmers of America, Successful Farming magazine and Farm Journal magazine. His syndicated agricultural column, The Farm and Food File, began in June, 1993, and now appears weekly in more than 70 publications throughout the U.S. and Canada. He and spouse Catherine, a social worker, have two adult children. farmandfoodfile.com