Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Let there be light

Thursday, October 15, 2009

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? We’ve formed a task force to study the problem […]

Marital immunity? Scratch that

Thursday, October 8, 2009

As we tally the final numbers at summer’s end, we find that with the arrival of cooler weather goes what little hope we had that this would be the year of our greatest garden yet. This should come as no surprise since we haven’t had any luck whatsoever with a garden before. This year was […]

Apology and the fine art of making one

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I don’t, as a rule, look to celebrities to serve as role models for my children. I’m not generally on the lookout for anyone to teach my children how to get arrested for a heroin possession or soliciting, and I have rarely had need for anyone to teach my kids how to lie, cheat or […]

The roofers are here

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I used to think the four sweetest words in the English language were “Will you marry me?” or “It’s a healthy boy!” (Or girl). These days “The roofers are here” is running a close third. When we bought this old house it had a new roof. That selling point alone should have alerted us that […]

Angels, angst, alcohol and a quick trip to the ER

Thursday, September 10, 2009

There are any number of reasons why I will never be crowned Mother of the Year, but the truth is, I removed myself from the running early on. When the children were babies Mr. Wonderful worked nights. As a result, I spent many long, hot, afternoons sitting alone with them in the yard, playing in […]

Dealing with my own little print war

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Having appeared in print for years now, you would think I would have both a deep understanding and an acquired immunity to the craziness that come over people when it comes to seeing their name in print. Alas, you would be wrong. Quite by accident and through no fault of my own I became embroiled […]

When push comes to shove

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The danger of writing about your life, yourself and your family is that you are always in grave danger of becoming one of “those moms.” You know the ones. Your children are always beautiful, brilliant, gifted. Maybe Garrison Keillor can get away with that when writing about Lake Woebegone, but here in the real world […]

The ‘fun house’ on the block

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Some folks have the house on the block where all the kids play. I have the house on the block where people send their children to find out how good their health insurance really is. Ours, I am told, is a “fun house.” Not in the literal sense of mazes and crazy mirrors (although, come […]

Memoirs of a Bat Girl

Thursday, August 20, 2009

It is clear that despite my long-standing personal “hands off” policy toward nature, I am destined to go down in history as one of those people forever identified with a certain species of animal. Jane Goodall had her chimps. Steve Irwin had his crocodiles. Me, I have bats. Oh, I don’t want to have bats […]

Namesake of my daughter

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My great-grandmother, Jeannette, was born in 1902 and her life would span most of the 20th century. She would see advancements in her lifetime that were unheard of at the time of her birth. Still her life, like any, would not always be easy. Tragically, she would lose her mother to tuberculosis as a child. […]

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.