Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

A new year to come undone

Thursday, December 29, 2005

It’s that time again. Time for the annual “How I shall completely revamp my life in the New Year” passel of lies we all pass off as “resolutions.

Zip my lips, zip my lips, zip them all the way

Thursday, December 22, 2005

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you and, more horrifyingly, found underneath your Christmas tree.

In the spirit of believing

Thursday, December 15, 2005

It has come to my attention that parents, particularly at this time of year, spend a lot of time worrying themselves silly over one thing and one thing only, a concern so deep it literally wakes them from a sound sleep, apoplectic over some concern relating to: Santa.

Quality assurance in a husband

Thursday, December 8, 2005

A Romanian tried to lodge a complaint with consumer protection officials after his girlfriend refused to marry him.

Doing time in tiny chairs

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Few things strike greater fear in the parental heart than these: parent-teacher conferences. Highly educated adults, captains of industry, even veterans of foreign wars can be reduced to puddles of insecurity at the very prospect of conferring with their child’s teacher.

Fungal cream? Makes a great gift!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

For years, the great philosophers of the world have told us people can be divided into two basic groups: the Day After Thanksgiving Shoppers and rational human beings.

My pilgrim progress, or not so much

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I have nothing against Thanksgiving. Really. Any holiday that has pie as its main export is all right with me.

Superhero’s mom has hands of steel

Thursday, November 10, 2005

From the moment I held my firstborn son in my arms, I realized, almost instantaneously, that this wild, wonderful, unpredictably joyous journey I had only just begun would, in the blink of a moment, lead to my own planned obsolescence.

OK, so celebrity parents are perfect

Thursday, November 3, 2005

As if we needed further proof that celebrities are, in fact, pure evil, we have Gwyneth Paltrow nattering on in a recent issue of The British Mirror: “(Having a baby) changed the way I see the world,” she told a reporter.

Clowning around has its rewards

Thursday, October 27, 2005

How does that old song go? Send in the clowns

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.