Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

New clothing line likely not in my future

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Do you think the witness protection program offers a new wardrobe? More importantly, can I enroll before I have to appear in anything “dressier” than Santa print PJs for the holidays?
Not asking for much.

No spilled milk to cry over

Thursday, December 9, 2004

How is it that in the advent of modern technology, the untold wonders borne of the industrial revolution, and the joy of living in an age that has (at last!) developed a disposable toilet bowl brush, some things remain pathetically unchanged?
Advanced.

New faces at the kids’ table

Thursday, December 2, 2004

I am proud – if a bit startled – to report that my younger cousin brought her own baby to Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Money talks: I just don’t speak the language

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Obviously, I am failing to see the big picture, money wise, and for this (and my being a writer – a career path which ranks slightly lower than illegal alien bus boy in terms of financial success), I’m unlikely to ever be obscenely, or even G-ratedly, rich.

Out of the closet: It’s us against our stuff

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I think I want to move.
Oh sure, I love the house, the property, the neighborhood, and the schools. All our friends are here and the dogs finally learned how to strew the trash about the yard in the most efficient manner.

Pillow talk: In pursuit of bedded bliss

Thursday, November 11, 2004

I had no idea so much was riding on my mattress.
That is, until the down comforter on our bed sprang a leak.

Daylight saved is daylight earned

Thursday, November 4, 2004

Ask any three adults you know, I’m talking even the brilliant, highly educated ones. The ones who can’t even match their shoes or tuck in their shirts, they are that smart.

Speaking out on verbal abuse

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
Speak for yourself pal. Words, when abused, give me a screaming headache.

Gift anxiety: Present and accounted for

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Let me be the first to gleefully – and with a certain amount of malice – point out to you that there are only 63 shopping days left until Christmas.

Adding insult to incarceration

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Talk about adding insult to incarceration.
Martha Stewart has been sentenced to serve her time at the federal prison in Alderson, W.

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.