Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Oh deer, oh deer

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

As usual I was just minding my own business when natured decided to brutally attack me. True story. I was driving at a manageable speed up the highway on a clear, crisp dark night when suddenly, out of the darkness loomed a HEAD, in my driver’s side window. Seriously, I saw the whites of eyes, […]

In a sense, our world ended Dec. 14

Thursday, December 27, 2012

If you can read this then I’m presuming the world didn’t end on Dec. 21 and I didn’t waste my time paying the cable bill in advance. I’m hoping we all had a blessed and lovely Christmas or appropriate holiday of your choosing. Me, I love the entire season of Thanksgiving through Christmas. I’m sorry […]

Bad Friday

Thursday, December 20, 2012

We had a particularly bad Friday morning here. A book bag was dropped, lunch was forgot, and by the time we reached the school all three of us were at each other’s throats full of bickering and blame for how the morning had spun so out of control. Taking a deep breath, I wished them […]

Elves gone wild

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Sometimes I’m just glad my kids are old enough that I can still fake being an adequate parent with a minimum of effort. At 13 and 15 they are still willing participants in the magic of Christmas gifting, albeit with a wink and a nod. To bring about Christmas magic I need only bake the […]

Renovation amnesia

Thursday, December 6, 2012

When we saw this Grande Dame of a house it was love at first sight. Three stories, original woodwork, pocket doors, soaring ceilings, a front and back staircase! Such charm! I knew what I was getting into in that way that mountain climbers think “oh this hike will be fun and we should be home […]

I’m making that list

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The official season of giving of gifts is upon us. This is embraced by the people who are gifted at giving. Their gifts are always creative, thoughtful and perfectly tailored to meet the needs of the recipient. I am not those people. I am the person who causes those people crushing disappointment when their lovingly […]

Hitting the wall

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

If more home renovation products were catered I think things would go much more smoothly. Why is it that in the pursuit of better living — or at least working plumbing — we first have to live in squalor? In the past week we have been tearing up our bathroom (and everything even remotely connected […]

Peeling the layers of hearts, horror and remodeling

Thursday, November 15, 2012

When it became apparent that we had no choice but to renovate the bathroom in our 108-year-old house, I had the same sensation you get when any idiot in a horror movie hears a strange noise and decides that the best course of action would be to “go investigate.” My entire being was screaming “No! […]

Halloween boo (hoo)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

This Halloween was the first in 15 Halloweens that I had no little ones to force into a ridiculous costume and cart around town. The fact that it is 40 degrees and raining seems a special gift to make me feel a whole lot better about missing out this year. Still, it’s difficult for me […]

Counting blessings and counting candles

Thursday, November 1, 2012

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?” – Satchel Page It’s an interesting question and one I know the answer to instantly. I would be 28. 28. Twenty-eight was a very busy, very wonderful year. Sure we were close to broke (that’s always cuter in hindsight than it is […]

Hoarder on wheels

Thursday, October 25, 2012

“You know those people who get lost in the mountains and have to live on ice for three days? That will never be you, you have a buffet in the back of your car.” This came from a friend after she was unwittingly exposed to the interior of my vehicle. I’m not offended because she’s […]

She’s come undone

Thursday, October 18, 2012

It has come to my attention after 16 years in residence in this particular old house, I can no longer refer to any project we undertook in the pursuit of making our home habitable (and they are many) as “done.” Old I am shocked at the rapid decay of our upstairs bath, namely because we […]

Parenting imperfect people

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Every once in a very great while I receive the kind of mail that says something along the lines of “Your family is so perfect.” First I read through all the way to the end to see what kind of scam the sender is peddling. If you claim to regularly read my column and what […]

In sickness and health

Thursday, October 4, 2012

There is a common misconception that women are stalwart in sickness while men take to bed with even a minor case of the sniffles. That may be true in the lives of others but around here I fully admit I am the big crybaby and Mr. Wonderful is the hardy, rugged type. Before we met, […]

Tech talk and Siri

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I would like to thank modern technology for that awkward moment when I was conducting very important business and Brick House piped out of my purse, courtesy of Siri, the voice activated assistant firing up the music on my iPhone without permission. The next song on my playlist was She’s so Mean which, considering my […]

Putting on your game face

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Our son is a brand new freshman soccer player and, as a result, I suspect the entire team feels like they are being hounded by the paparazzi. I take roughly 300-400 photos per game. They play up to three games per week. Of those, roughly 10 percent will actually make the cut. With those averages […]

Call me. Maybe.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I don’t know when our home phone got demoted, but it did. It used to be the ringing of the home phone was like the bell to Pavlov’s dog. We would jump to attention. Who might it be? Is it family? Friend? Nowadays we know who it is: The National Rifle Association, political call, or […]

And then, along came a spider

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Just when I think it’s safe to leave the house, nature, not content to menace me IN MY OWN HOME decides to take the show on the road. I was driving home after a most fantastic and relaxing night with my dearest of friends. We had enjoyed the loveliest meal, most pleasant conversation, and all […]

At son’s high school orientation, they forgot to give me key information

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I have had the date for high school orientation on my calendar for six weeks. I kept avoiding and ignoring it — as if by refusing to acknowledge its existence, I would never have to attend.

Brand, new refrigerator (almost)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I took a shower with my refrigerator shelf last night, which is just every bit as sexy as it sounds. I realize normal people don’t bathe with their major appliances. This requires a bit of explanation. Our refrigerator has been an annoyance since it was brand new. Somewhere around the one-year- and one-hour-old mark, just […]


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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.