Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Renovation junkie

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Recently I wrote a series of columns detailing our upstairs bathroom renovation. It was a long and painful process (the bathroom — not the writing. The writing came easy. A toilet on the lawn is always good for a paragraph, or six.) The entire process took six weeks of nights and weekends, including the Thanksgiving […]

Smoke gets in her eyes

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It is, I realize, completely self-absorbed to complain about the myriad ways Mother Nature tried to kick my behind last week in the midst of the terrible blizzard, Nemo. Fortunately, I have never shied away from a certain amount of navel gazing. Thus, I am more than willing to go on and on about my […]

Dress for success

Thursday, February 7, 2013

You are what you wear. Our whole lives most of us who live out of uniform — and arguably those who DO — spend our days focusing on our clothing and what it says about us. From the onset, the question of gender of a coming blessed event and whether the baby is a boy […]

Turning 40 isn’t as bad as they say

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Much press and sitcom angst is given to turning 30. Popular expression would have us believe turning 30 is the social and personal equivalent of having one foot in the grave, your best years behind you, and no hope of ever looking cute again. To this I say, drivel. Stages. While my 20s were a […]

Let’s do lunch — and snacks

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

That screaming sound you heard should not alarm anyone but me and my pants. After a really successful 2013 where I ate healthier than ever, felt better than ever, and dropped 35 pounds of chub (mostly from my extra chin and midriff), I stepped onto a scale to discover that 10 of those pounds had […]

Live and learn

Thursday, January 24, 2013

If my kids complain about homework — “We aren’t ever going to need to know this in real life!” — I have three words for them: Dewey Decimal System. I remember standing at the card catalog, sweaty palm clasping the nub of a golf pencil and a piece of scrap paper that still smelled faintly […]

In with the new, out with the old

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I don’t generally pen “how to” columns. “How to be a dork like me” is not a life lesson that is much in demand, generally speaking. Then one day I realized I was living a lie. I maintain a fresh and clean home and pose as if I am a very tidy person. Actually, we […]

Storm warning

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I don’t think there has ever been a doubt I don’t have the ability to take care of myself, but now it’s official: in case of emergency I will die. During the last big storm/possible power outage scare, I finally felt a responsible adult would probably figure out what it is everyone stocks up on […]

New magic new year

Thursday, January 3, 2013

By the time you read this the holidays, in all their glory, should be far enough behind that you can reflect on them. As you look back on the past six weeks or so, I have this to ask: Was it worth it? If your days were full of family and fun did you give […]

Oh deer, oh deer

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

As usual I was just minding my own business when natured decided to brutally attack me. True story. I was driving at a manageable speed up the highway on a clear, crisp dark night when suddenly, out of the darkness loomed a HEAD, in my driver’s side window. Seriously, I saw the whites of eyes, […]

In a sense, our world ended Dec. 14

Thursday, December 27, 2012

If you can read this then I’m presuming the world didn’t end on Dec. 21 and I didn’t waste my time paying the cable bill in advance. I’m hoping we all had a blessed and lovely Christmas or appropriate holiday of your choosing. Me, I love the entire season of Thanksgiving through Christmas. I’m sorry […]

Bad Friday

Thursday, December 20, 2012

We had a particularly bad Friday morning here. A book bag was dropped, lunch was forgot, and by the time we reached the school all three of us were at each other’s throats full of bickering and blame for how the morning had spun so out of control. Taking a deep breath, I wished them […]

Elves gone wild

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Sometimes I’m just glad my kids are old enough that I can still fake being an adequate parent with a minimum of effort. At 13 and 15 they are still willing participants in the magic of Christmas gifting, albeit with a wink and a nod. To bring about Christmas magic I need only bake the […]

Renovation amnesia

Thursday, December 6, 2012

When we saw this Grande Dame of a house it was love at first sight. Three stories, original woodwork, pocket doors, soaring ceilings, a front and back staircase! Such charm! I knew what I was getting into in that way that mountain climbers think “oh this hike will be fun and we should be home […]

I’m making that list

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The official season of giving of gifts is upon us. This is embraced by the people who are gifted at giving. Their gifts are always creative, thoughtful and perfectly tailored to meet the needs of the recipient. I am not those people. I am the person who causes those people crushing disappointment when their lovingly […]

Hitting the wall

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

If more home renovation products were catered I think things would go much more smoothly. Why is it that in the pursuit of better living — or at least working plumbing — we first have to live in squalor? In the past week we have been tearing up our bathroom (and everything even remotely connected […]

Peeling the layers of hearts, horror and remodeling

Thursday, November 15, 2012

When it became apparent that we had no choice but to renovate the bathroom in our 108-year-old house, I had the same sensation you get when any idiot in a horror movie hears a strange noise and decides that the best course of action would be to “go investigate.” My entire being was screaming “No! […]

Halloween boo (hoo)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

This Halloween was the first in 15 Halloweens that I had no little ones to force into a ridiculous costume and cart around town. The fact that it is 40 degrees and raining seems a special gift to make me feel a whole lot better about missing out this year. Still, it’s difficult for me […]

Counting blessings and counting candles

Thursday, November 1, 2012

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?” – Satchel Page It’s an interesting question and one I know the answer to instantly. I would be 28. 28. Twenty-eight was a very busy, very wonderful year. Sure we were close to broke (that’s always cuter in hindsight than it is […]

Hoarder on wheels

Thursday, October 25, 2012

“You know those people who get lost in the mountains and have to live on ice for three days? That will never be you, you have a buffet in the back of your car.” This came from a friend after she was unwittingly exposed to the interior of my vehicle. I’m not offended because she’s […]


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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.