Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Paid in full. Maybe. (Doesn’t anyone want my money?)

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I think I’ve figured out why the economy still needs a little work. No one wants to take our money anymore.

Five more minutes? Alarming idea (to the folks who bring you The Most Annoying Alarm Clock In The History Of the World)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

It’s like this: I’m adrift in dreamland, when I’m rudely startled awake by the “Bleet-Bleet-Pounding-In-Your-Brain-Bleet-Bleet” of The Most Annoying Alarm Clock In The History Of the World (Patent Pending).

Face it, my stuff has no value

Thursday, April 5, 2012

I know I will never discover that my $40 yard sale card table is worth $40,000 and it’s my own darned fault. I’m too cheap to have ever paid $40 for a used card table in the first place.

Surely I’m not the only one who’s been tripped up by that time change thing

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Last month when we were all still enjoying it getting cozy and dark shortly after lunch, I hopped in Mr. Wonderful’s truck, a vehicle I don’t normally drive, to take our daughter and her friend swimming at the local inn. It was the kind of “Mom’s Taxi” weekend I’ve come to know and love. The […]

Surviving progress: Let there be light

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Remember when you didn’t need an advanced degree to buy a light bulb? All you really needed was to know your wattage and you were, quite literally, golden. Now, there is such a vast array of lighting choices (or lack of choice where LED and CFL bulbs have been declared mandatory) that it’s difficult to […]

Skinned knees and taffeta

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The phrase “7th-grade formal dance” makes about as much sense to me as saying “toddler driving lessons.” That aside, it seems to be the norm these days and who am I but a lemming like follower of the masses? I have no need to ostracize my daughter from her peers in such a basic way […]

Things we learned from Columbine

Thursday, March 8, 2012

In every photo they are touching their children. An arm through an elbow, a hand on the back. All were touching their kids. Teenagers, all well past the “holding hands to cross the street phase,” were locked hand in hand, arm and arm with their parents, and in some cases grandparents, as they streamed away […]

Let the teen years roll along

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The comment that my children are “amazingly well behaved” accompanied an email forward of a video-gone-viral that has blanketed the media. The video features a father so fed up with his snotty teenage daughter that he read her the riot act before videotaping himself shooting her laptop in retaliation. Some called it child abuse. Me, […]

Ben there, done that

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The air bag light came on in my vehicle the other day. This would be because there is a hole in my dash. A tiny pin hole in the vinyl (pleather?) the size of, oh say, a soccer cleat has been torn in the dashboard of my car. Who does that happen to? No one. […]

The bats of winter

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I have no idea why bats don’t have a bigger market share PR-wise. They aren’t a common toy, nursery decor or fashion accessory. I don’t believe any major sport teams are named after them. I don’t know why because to peruse the Internet for even five clicks is to discover that bats are pretty popular. […]

Truck driving mama

Thursday, February 9, 2012

First I would like to apologize to any innocent drivers in a nearby urban area who may/may not have been menaced by a woman with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel of a large white truck. That was me and I am sorry.

A blank white square

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The other day I looked at our family calendar and saw nothing but a blank white square. It scared the heck out of me.

Taking a bite out of big apple addiction

Thursday, January 26, 2012

A near riot occurred Friday outside an Apple store in Beijing as fights broke out among people trying to be first in line for the new iPhone 4S, Apple said. – UPI.com. Two weeks ago I would have rolled eyes at that as a sign of the Apocalypse. For years I resisted having a smart […]

I admit it, I’m a slacker mom

Thursday, January 19, 2012

It is far too soon for me to be waxing rhapsodic about a successful parenting journey. My children are still young(ish). I don’t like to consider myself a wild success, or break my arm patting myself on the back quite yet. Still, as kids go I think ours are turning out all right. Sure, they […]

Practicing the art of apology

Thursday, January 12, 2012

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Cute rhyme, but full of lies. Words do hurt. Deeply. I’ll go as far as to say that words can hurt, and scar, long after physical wounds have healed.

At the sound of the beep

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Recently, reminiscing with the children about our own childhoods where we walked 5 miles in five foot drifts to school, uphill both ways (naturally), a friend was telling her children about the blizzard of ’78. Her story featured an edge-of-your-seat tale of her father bravely plowing the family’s station wagon through driving snow to ferry […]

The brake sign is flashing

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Seems we always find religion when we are standing on the brakes. All I could think — and say aloud — as we skidded, squealing tires, seat-belt constricting my heart, which seemed poised to leap out of my chest, was “oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”

Our angry Christmas angel, Elvis

Thursday, December 22, 2011

When I get too caught up in the running, buying, doing and utter delight we all seem to take in exclaiming the “stress” of the holiday season (“So much to do! So much to do!” Like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland forever late for a very important date) I take a deep breath […]

Have yourself a merry little Free Bird

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I had no idea people harbored such hate for Christmas music. Show me someone who thrills to Silent Night and I’ll show you six more who swear they will poke out their own eardrums with a drum stick if they have to hear The Little Drummer Boy one more time.

Declaring war on mice

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature also abhors my getting a moment’s peace. Nature, in fact, has made somewhat a game of keeping me on edge pretty much all of the time. Just when we could happily put the cap on a bat-free year, the mice have arrived to fill the void. Visitors It has become […]

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.