Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

Life Out Loud: It came in through the window

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The devil is in my house. It came in through a window, like most burglars do, gaining entry to our inner sanctum and stealing my pride without my knowledge or consent.

Life Out Loud: Ah, be it ever so humble…

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I live in a creaky old house, sans air conditioning, and am sometimes visited by bats. Better yet, I often choose of my own free will to go camping in an actual tent that involves sleeping ON THE GROUND. Yet, put a hotel room passkey in my hand and suddenly, I’m Princess and the Pea.

Life Out Loud: The first cut is the deepest

Thursday, July 14, 2011

My nemesis is small but stealthy. It lurks under the model of health but, in fact, it’s a silent slayer of innocent flesh. I am speaking, of course, of the mandolin slicer.

Life Out Loud: Learning to be a team player

Friday, July 8, 2011

I was not, as a child, what you would have called a “team player.” Joining things just wasn’t my forte. I did not play softball, volleyball, basketball or field hockey. Imagine my surprise to wake up and find myself a bona fide soccer mom.

Living the big bang theory

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Yesterday I got bangs. As any woman knows, this is clearly a cry for help. Unfortunately I was seized by momentary insanity and my best friend (the one who always tells me the truth) wasn’t there to body block the beautician on the basis of this being A Very Bad Idea (capitalized, as all truly […]

Greetings from nowhere

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I’m not from around here. That’s probably why I got a chuckle when our local village’s Facebook status (yes, we are THAT hip) read “If you are a missing a black cow, we currently have one roaming on Main Street.” Note they said BLACK cow. To differentiate, I suppose, from all the brown cows downtown? […]

Life Out Loud: Mean Moms of America, Unite!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I would like to call to order this meeting of the fellow Mean Mothers of America (MMoA). Our first order of business will be to erect a statue (chocolate, of course) to Mark Zuckerberg, Founder of the social networking site, Facebook.

Always growing like weeds

Thursday, June 9, 2011

So I just spent maybe eight minutes weeding an area outside my front door and I deeply resent that time as eight minutes of my life that I will never get back. Far from being moved by the beauty of nature, I am annoyed at the tenacious nature of nature. I just cleared those weeds […]

Life Out Loud: Camping? Just give me indoor plumbing instead

Thursday, June 2, 2011

I am not “the outdoor type.” I made clear early on that Mr. Wonderful, an avid athlete and outdoorsman, had made a poor choice in mates. He did not marry anyone even remotely “self-sufficient” or “outdoorsy.”

Life Out Loud: Where does the time go?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The graduate. She has deep blue eyes, a gorgeous smile, and her senior class superlative is “prettiest hair.” That makes sense. She does have the prettiest hair. It’s a gorgeous shade of deep, natural red. This was true even when she was mostly bald and later, briefly, when it all sort of fluffed around her head like a vibrant dandelion puff.

Land barons

Thursday, May 19, 2011

When you’re young and just starting to make a little money, (emphasis on “little”) you are made to feel a failure if you don’t put your money to work for you. It doesn’t matter if your “salad days” are more “ramen noodle” days, people immediately start yammering at you about investments. Invest in stocks, bonds […]

Between me and the fencepost

Thursday, May 12, 2011

First, let me state for the record that no dogs were harmed in the making of this column, though not for lack of trying. Great outdoors Being rural dwellers we suffer the delusion that our dogs will appreciate and embrace the blessing that is open access to the great outdoors. We have a large yard […]

Aiming for party perfect

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Twas’ an hour before the big Easter dinner and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except me as I was finishing all the cooking and baking. The stockings were hung, er, folded, carefully along with the rest of laundry mountain that had recently been cut down to size. Perfect We had reached […]

If lovin’ to save is wrong, I don’t wanna be right

Monday, May 2, 2011

If it’s possible to be addicted to saving then I’ve got the bug — bad. There is just something so satisfying about not spending money. Some count their winnings through gambling. I get high saving. No slots player pulling a lever ever got bigger thrills than I do when they start subtracting my coupon savings […]

Screen free is not scream free for me

Thursday, April 21, 2011

April 18-24 is Screen-Free Week. Since 1996, organizers have exhorted us to turn off screens via the implementation of Screen-Free Week (formerly TV-Turnoff). Ever since it replaced turning off the television for one week with the scarier prospect of turning off ALL screens (including computers, video games and smart phones), resistance has risen. I’m sure […]

What would Jackie O. do?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I find as I age that I look to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis for parenting advice.

Fashion night at Tractor Supply

Thursday, April 7, 2011

You know that moment when you make that fateful decision and say “Who am I going to see at the Tractor Supply at 7:30 p.m. on a Monday? These Muck boots and this dirty old ski parka are FINE?” That is a bad moment. Poor decision making processes are at work here. It never fails. […]

Love and loss, pride and joy

Thursday, March 31, 2011

“I can’t find Pikachu.” You wouldn’t think those words would strike fear in a woman’s heart but oh, let me tell you, they do. Pikachu in this case is not a Pokemon character from the long running children’s series. No. Pikachu is our pet goat. He was a gift to our then 5-year-old son from […]

House hunting for dummies

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Does there exist a blog, website, or even random street corner where people can meet to poke merciless fun at the people featured on HGTV’s House Hunters? If not, there should be. They’d get a million visits per day. According to the HGTV (Home and Garden Channel) promo “House Hunters focuses on the emotional experience […]

Life’s too short for mindless chores

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Matching up socks, I’m fairly sure, is a task they make you do repeatedly in hell. I used to carefully match and pair different sizes and styles of socks, times four people. Pairing up socks became somewhat a side job for me. When all the other responsibilities of the day were squared away, I could […]

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