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The not-so princess diaries

Thursday, February 24, 2005

In the beginning, when it came to parenting a daughter, I wasn’t exactly in the pink.
Sure, I had been a girlie-girl as a child.

Someday your prince will come – if his mommy says he can

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Someday your prince will come. Sadly, if you’re Camilla Parker Bowles, he’ll come with some serious baggage.

Maybe baby, I’ll have you

Thursday, February 10, 2005

It isn’t my actual children that are causing me stress these days, but the “maybe baby” that haunts me.

Expect little and get way too much

Thursday, February 3, 2005

Clearly, the problem is that I expect too much.
I expect, for example, that my cellular telephone might actually make telephone calls.

Dialing up the ‘good old days’

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I am raising ingrates.
My children, like so many others, are ferried about in the automotive equivalent of a living room.

Green Acres Welcome Wagon at your service

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I have recently received a fair amount of mail asking me if I have, and I quote, “always lived in the country?” What a silly question.

Our lives: Gone to the dogs

Thursday, January 13, 2005

It’s hard to know when, exactly, to proclaim an otherwise beautiful family experience a disaster, but that does seem to be the way these things go.

What’s in a name? Creative crime and the ‘Junior’ league

Thursday, January 6, 2005

Recently, I have begun to branch out in my daily newspaper reading. Now that I have discovered the birth announcements, I am no longer confined to the police blotter to keep up with the myriad ways humans can commit crimes against the innocent.

Reluctantly resolute, maybe …

Thursday, December 30, 2004

I could do the obvious joke about how my New Year’s resolution is to quit procrastinating tomorrow.
Or I could circulate one of those “Top 10 New Year’s resolutions” joke lists that clog up the Internet incessantly and get forwarded to you by everyone you even remotely know (with explicit instruction to forward to 10 friends immediately or you will have horrible luck and probably die).

Guerilla gifting is tough war to win

Thursday, December 23, 2004

On the 13th day of Christmas my true love gave to me a completely unexpected gift and I had nothing in return.

New clothing line likely not in my future

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Do you think the witness protection program offers a new wardrobe? More importantly, can I enroll before I have to appear in anything “dressier” than Santa print PJs for the holidays?
Not asking for much.

No spilled milk to cry over

Thursday, December 9, 2004

How is it that in the advent of modern technology, the untold wonders borne of the industrial revolution, and the joy of living in an age that has (at last!) developed a disposable toilet bowl brush, some things remain pathetically unchanged?
Advanced.

New faces at the kids’ table

Thursday, December 2, 2004

I am proud – if a bit startled – to report that my younger cousin brought her own baby to Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Money talks: I just don’t speak the language

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Obviously, I am failing to see the big picture, money wise, and for this (and my being a writer – a career path which ranks slightly lower than illegal alien bus boy in terms of financial success), I’m unlikely to ever be obscenely, or even G-ratedly, rich.

Out of the closet: It’s us against our stuff

Thursday, November 18, 2004

I think I want to move.
Oh sure, I love the house, the property, the neighborhood, and the schools. All our friends are here and the dogs finally learned how to strew the trash about the yard in the most efficient manner.

Pillow talk: In pursuit of bedded bliss

Thursday, November 11, 2004

I had no idea so much was riding on my mattress.
That is, until the down comforter on our bed sprang a leak.

Daylight saved is daylight earned

Thursday, November 4, 2004

Ask any three adults you know, I’m talking even the brilliant, highly educated ones. The ones who can’t even match their shoes or tuck in their shirts, they are that smart.

Speaking out on verbal abuse

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
Speak for yourself pal. Words, when abused, give me a screaming headache.

Gift anxiety: Present and accounted for

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Let me be the first to gleefully – and with a certain amount of malice – point out to you that there are only 63 shopping days left until Christmas.

Adding insult to incarceration

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Talk about adding insult to incarceration.
Martha Stewart has been sentenced to serve her time at the federal prison in Alderson, W.

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