Every once in a very great while I receive the kind of mail that says something along the lines of “Your family is so perfect.” First I read through all the way to the end to see what kind of scam the sender is peddling. If you claim to regularly read my column and what […]
There is a common misconception that women are stalwart in sickness while men take to bed with even a minor case of the sniffles. That may be true in the lives of others but around here I fully admit I am the big crybaby and Mr. Wonderful is the hardy, rugged type. Before we met, […]
I would like to thank modern technology for that awkward moment when I was conducting very important business and Brick House piped out of my purse, courtesy of Siri, the voice activated assistant firing up the music on my iPhone without permission. The next song on my playlist was She’s so Mean which, considering my […]
Our son is a brand new freshman soccer player and, as a result, I suspect the entire team feels like they are being hounded by the paparazzi. I take roughly 300-400 photos per game. They play up to three games per week. Of those, roughly 10 percent will actually make the cut. With those averages […]
I don’t know when our home phone got demoted, but it did. It used to be the ringing of the home phone was like the bell to Pavlov’s dog. We would jump to attention. Who might it be? Is it family? Friend? Nowadays we know who it is: The National Rifle Association, political call, or […]
Just when I think it’s safe to leave the house, nature, not content to menace me IN MY OWN HOME decides to take the show on the road. I was driving home after a most fantastic and relaxing night with my dearest of friends. We had enjoyed the loveliest meal, most pleasant conversation, and all […]
I have had the date for high school orientation on my calendar for six weeks. I kept avoiding and ignoring it — as if by refusing to acknowledge its existence, I would never have to attend.
I took a shower with my refrigerator shelf last night, which is just every bit as sexy as it sounds. I realize normal people don’t bathe with their major appliances. This requires a bit of explanation. Our refrigerator has been an annoyance since it was brand new. Somewhere around the one-year- and one-hour-old mark, just […]
You know what makes me realize I am not a nice person? My reaction when you put a stop to my unlimited power. We recently had a short, but annoying, electrical power outage and, as I learned of others happily having their power restored, I had ENVY. I begrudged them of their good fortune. They […]
Today we took our cat to the vet. What I would really like to type is “Today we took our angry, rabid hyena to the vet” because, yeah, it was kind of like that. Kandalle (he was named by a child so please don’t ask) is an indoor cat. He came to us eight years […]
You know that moment when you maybe, sort of, forget to pick up your child from soccer practice, and maybe do that two days in a row? That is when you know your Parent of the Year award is probably not just lost in the mail. On the other hand, you know how you have […]
Lately I’ve been noticing that all the other grown-ups (as seen on TV) have matching coffee mugs. Whether a lighthearted chat or a deeply dramatic discussion, they eat and drink from dishes that match.
I am hard pressed to say why I love our camper so. It’s a mid-90s model replete with golden oak and pale blue Formica and a modern (c. 1995) feel. These are all the things I swore to eschew when we willingly and of our own volition moved into an old home. Our house is […]
We wind down a dusty back road, into a gravel parking lot, and step out into the searing blanket of 95 degree heat. Mr. Wonderful balances a mega platter of potatoes and I gather my purse, lock the car and wonder, yet again, how it is they seem to move the parking lot further and […]
It’s long been a dream of mine to not be eaten by a bear. This hasn’t been a difficult dream to fulfill since I have always resided, quite smugly, in a state that claimed to have no bears beyond the zoo and an occasional misplaced Chicago football fan. This is why people live in the […]
To say I’m kicking myself for not buying the squirrel would be an understatement. We were blessed to embark on our 11th annual summer road trip this year. The habit of taking three-day tours with my cousin and our collective four children started when the children were toddlers and continues today when all are in […]
I used to have a life where I left the house, went out in the world and accomplished things. I seem to recall I put on actual pants when I did this. Then I discovered the Internet, work primarily from home, and I don’t wear pants anymore. O.K., technically I wear lounge pants. These are […]
I’ve always felt sorry for middle school. Elementary school gets all the love and the blind allegiance of parents and children new to education who embrace everything from fresh crayons to the smell of glue. The first day of school, playground games and cupcakes-on-your-birthday fanfare all belong to the lower grades. Sure you have to […]
I watch the news mainly to feel better about myself. No matter how dorky I might be on any given day (and my dork is legendary), there is always someone trying to rob a bank with a blow dryer, or driving their car into a swimming pool on the evening news. How can you not […]
The same people that I once fervently hoped would mind their own business are the people I hope most will help mind mine today.