Seems we always find religion when we are standing on the brakes. All I could think — and say aloud — as we skidded, squealing tires, seat-belt constricting my heart, which seemed poised to leap out of my chest, was “oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”
When I get too caught up in the running, buying, doing and utter delight we all seem to take in exclaiming the “stress” of the holiday season (“So much to do! So much to do!” Like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland forever late for a very important date) I take a deep breath […]
I had no idea people harbored such hate for Christmas music. Show me someone who thrills to Silent Night and I’ll show you six more who swear they will poke out their own eardrums with a drum stick if they have to hear The Little Drummer Boy one more time.
Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature also abhors my getting a moment’s peace. Nature, in fact, has made somewhat a game of keeping me on edge pretty much all of the time. Just when we could happily put the cap on a bat-free year, the mice have arrived to fill the void. Visitors It has become […]
She was visibly uncomfortable with the squirming toddler on her lap. She proffered snacks, and a pencil and paper to the little guy while attempting to slide him, ever so gently to the side. Then she apologized. Over and Over again.
This is my thanks? This is how a member of the mouse nation repays my kindness to one of his flock? A sneak attack on me when I am most vulnerable?
I am what you might call a cheapskate. Actually, no might about it. I am cheap. Definitely. It’s not that I won’t spend money. I just won’t spend much money. I am just absolutely sure that nothing should cost more than a dime. I can never get over how much the electric utility charge me. […]
Because we have been working on this old house or another for the last 70 billion years someone will occasionally ask me why I don’t write a do-it-yourself guide on home improvement. Why? Because most people can manage to screw up their home improvement projects all by their own selves, thank you very much. Patience […]
Previously, I was pretty sure that Mr. Wonderful was my Knight in Shining Armor. I know in my heart he’d give up a kidney if I needed one. Then I asked if I could have a wee bit of parking space in his garage and all bets were off.
I realize that in light of tragedies such as war, famine and natural disaster, losing three convenience appliances in the space of three days is a First World Problem to have, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.
People are insufferable. Oh, not taken singularly, of course. One-on-one people are lovely. It’s when they go plural you have problems. If there are any two things that can ruin just about any good time it is “people” and “they.”
So the good news is I won’t die today. Probably. I have been sick for three weeks. Nothing too serious, just a run of the mill wracking full body cough, spiky fever and random swooning. At some point I think my life was in danger. Not due to the illness exactly. I just know that […]
I was in my house on a quiet Friday night when a dead-ringer for Larry the Cable Guy of stand-up comedy fame came roaring up our driveway in his big white pickup truck looking for a “spit.” This is just about as exciting as it gets on a Friday night around here. “I’m here to […]
One of the many things that keeps our marriage interesting is that I am a very unpredictable (see also: maddening ) person. Mr. Wonderful, bless his heart, continues to labor under the delusion that much of what I do should make sense. I don’t know if and when he will ever get the hint that […]
She is sitting on the bench. Her spine straight, her head erect, but her shoulders ever so slightly slump. If you didn’t know her, you’d never see it. If you do know — and love her — you do. On this team, you do time on the bench primarily if you are a girl.
The natural gas utility doesn’t give me the time of day — until they need money. They are like big utility versions of teenagers that way. One minute I’m minding my own business, clam happy in denial of my natural gas needs. The next I am on the receiving end of a phone call saying […]
I knew this day would come. There are milestones in every child’s life. Birth, roll over, sit up, walk, talk and the “whatever” eye rolls.
Every year it’s like I’m engaged in the annual elusive Christmas toy craze except I’m not looking for a Tickle Me Elmo or pocket pets — I’m looking for pocket brad folders. The latter apparently as extinct as the dodo bird. Plain paper folders are everywhere. You can buy 100 for a dime. Plastic folders […]
Nothing could dampen our enthusiasm as we kicked off the 11th annual “Cousins and Kids” Summer Road Trip. This annual pilgrimage began many years ago when my cousin and I decided to take ourselves and our respective kids on a little getaway vacation.
At some point even the most wonderful convenience can become more of a hindrance than a help. Mr. Wonderful has had a loathe/hate relationship with his cell phone for some time now. The phone was scratched, hard to dial, harder to hear, and just generally irritated him to no end.