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You are officially grown up

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I understand now, with perfect clarity, why some 30-something women persist in sporting mini-skirts that are far too young for them (or their thighs) and men of the same age endlessly relive their teenage athletic exploits.

What it was like in the ancient old days

Thursday, March 16, 2006

On this, the occasion of my 10,000th birthday, I would like to say … oh, OK, I’m not really 10,000 years old.

Warning sign-ups of spring

Thursday, March 9, 2006

It is almost spring and the first specks of bold, new colors are sprouting among us. No, not spring flowers silly.

A mug of high fat might not kill you

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Look, I just don’t know if I can stomach the path this nation is taking one more day. What kind of world do we live in when a down-on-his-luck panhandler has to say, “Pardon me, brother.

Don’t be too sure of ‘someday’

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Nothing’s wrong just as long as You know that someday I will. Someday, somehow I’m gonna make it all right But not right now.

Working the bugs out of family sick times

Thursday, February 16, 2006

You really need to be in tip-top shape to come down with anything nowadays. The down-and-out workout.

The Cupid Wars set hearts afire

Thursday, February 9, 2006

Don’t you just hate it when worlds collide? My second-grader informed us, imperiously, that Cupid is “just a myth.

One tough cookie can shake this addiction

Thursday, February 2, 2006

The first Girl Scout cookie was sold on Nov. 11, 1932 by a troop in Philadelphia. The girls baked cookies for day nurseries as a community service project.

CHiPs are down for school-play costume

Thursday, January 26, 2006

You just never know when you will be tapped for greatness. On the day the play parts were passed out by the school’s music teacher – a man with nerves of steel and/or really heavy-duty ear plugs – my son came bearing that slip of paper like it was the sword pulled from the stone.

Home page is where the heart is

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Pardon my dust, but my home page is a mess. Worse yet, I’m expecting visitors. At least I hope I get visitors.

Suck it up: Technology is here, like it or not

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Generally, I shun technology. Fear it, even. I am still using a circa 1997 computer because, quite frankly, I’m scared to death of having to approach some 17-year-old employee at the equivalent of a “Techno Toys “R” Us” and showcase my pathetic ignorance.

Burning up: Anger and exercise

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Up to now, I have resisted physical activity in the form of “working out” the way fish, say, resist learning to ride a bicycle.

A new year to come undone

Thursday, December 29, 2005

It’s that time again. Time for the annual “How I shall completely revamp my life in the New Year” passel of lies we all pass off as “resolutions.

Zip my lips, zip my lips, zip them all the way

Thursday, December 22, 2005

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you and, more horrifyingly, found underneath your Christmas tree.

In the spirit of believing

Thursday, December 15, 2005

It has come to my attention that parents, particularly at this time of year, spend a lot of time worrying themselves silly over one thing and one thing only, a concern so deep it literally wakes them from a sound sleep, apoplectic over some concern relating to: Santa.

Quality assurance in a husband

Thursday, December 8, 2005

A Romanian tried to lodge a complaint with consumer protection officials after his girlfriend refused to marry him.

Doing time in tiny chairs

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Few things strike greater fear in the parental heart than these: parent-teacher conferences. Highly educated adults, captains of industry, even veterans of foreign wars can be reduced to puddles of insecurity at the very prospect of conferring with their child’s teacher.

Fungal cream? Makes a great gift!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

For years, the great philosophers of the world have told us people can be divided into two basic groups: the Day After Thanksgiving Shoppers and rational human beings.

My pilgrim progress, or not so much

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I have nothing against Thanksgiving. Really. Any holiday that has pie as its main export is all right with me.

Superhero’s mom has hands of steel

Thursday, November 10, 2005

From the moment I held my firstborn son in my arms, I realized, almost instantaneously, that this wild, wonderful, unpredictably joyous journey I had only just begun would, in the blink of a moment, lead to my own planned obsolescence.

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