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Can’t stand the heat? Stay out of summer

Thursday, June 8, 2006

Summer is a favorite of so many for one obvious reason: it is the one season when total disintegration of social mores is completely acceptable.

The key: Act a little less natural

Thursday, June 1, 2006

In an effort to offset some of the eventual bad habits our children might learn from us, such as muttering unkind and possibly impure thoughts under their breaths while driving, or wearing white shoes after Labor Day, we’re trying to raise them to become productive and law-abiding citizens of the world.

I (don’t) brake for summer vacation

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I was kicking around the idea of writing about all the questionable things our parents did to and with us as children and calling together a support group of sorts.

Of prom, parents and underpants

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Remember when high school prom was just a sweet little rite of passage? This, of course, was back before parents as a whole just went ahead and lost their minds.

Tiny tunes: Can’t stop the music

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Please do NOT call Children’s Services on me. Despite what you may think (and what scientific evidence may have proven), exposure to the soundtrack from Saturday Night Fever does not actually constitute child abuse.

The case of the drip switch

Thursday, May 4, 2006

It should be noted that what I lack in mechanical ability, I make up for with a complete lack of common sense.

Changing homework habits

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I have spent nearly nine years teaching my children that patience is a virtue (although sadly, not one of mine) and that there are no stupid questions.

I need a weekend house or chocolate

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I have never been, shall we say, comfortable with entertaining. When it comes to the planning and preparation involved with inviting people over to dine, I would much rather go to a nice, relaxing dental appointment or something less taxing like that.

The mean mom’s guide to real life

Thursday, April 13, 2006

After years of toil, struggle, and inner turmoil wondering what, if anything, I want to be when I grow up, I have discovered my one true calling: I am the Meanest Mom Ever! Crowned.

Selecting bath mats slips her up

Thursday, April 6, 2006

You would think that a person who has managed, however inexplicably, to choose a mate, choose to parent two lovely albeit argumentative small humans, and choose to share with the world at large the most intimate details of her life (and those of numerous innocent bystanders), would have little trouble making a commitment to the little things in life.

Moving from to-do to ta-done!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Score! I just crossed something off my to-do list. I can put a black line straight through “consume entire package of M&M’s before breakfast.

You are officially grown up

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I understand now, with perfect clarity, why some 30-something women persist in sporting mini-skirts that are far too young for them (or their thighs) and men of the same age endlessly relive their teenage athletic exploits.

What it was like in the ancient old days

Thursday, March 16, 2006

On this, the occasion of my 10,000th birthday, I would like to say … oh, OK, I’m not really 10,000 years old.

Warning sign-ups of spring

Thursday, March 9, 2006

It is almost spring and the first specks of bold, new colors are sprouting among us. No, not spring flowers silly.

A mug of high fat might not kill you

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Look, I just don’t know if I can stomach the path this nation is taking one more day. What kind of world do we live in when a down-on-his-luck panhandler has to say, “Pardon me, brother.

Don’t be too sure of ‘someday’

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Nothing’s wrong just as long as You know that someday I will. Someday, somehow I’m gonna make it all right But not right now.

Working the bugs out of family sick times

Thursday, February 16, 2006

You really need to be in tip-top shape to come down with anything nowadays. The down-and-out workout.

The Cupid Wars set hearts afire

Thursday, February 9, 2006

Don’t you just hate it when worlds collide? My second-grader informed us, imperiously, that Cupid is “just a myth.

One tough cookie can shake this addiction

Thursday, February 2, 2006

The first Girl Scout cookie was sold on Nov. 11, 1932 by a troop in Philadelphia. The girls baked cookies for day nurseries as a community service project.

CHiPs are down for school-play costume

Thursday, January 26, 2006

You just never know when you will be tapped for greatness. On the day the play parts were passed out by the school’s music teacher – a man with nerves of steel and/or really heavy-duty ear plugs – my son came bearing that slip of paper like it was the sword pulled from the stone.

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