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A new year to come undone

Thursday, December 29, 2005

It’s that time again. Time for the annual “How I shall completely revamp my life in the New Year” passel of lies we all pass off as “resolutions.

Zip my lips, zip my lips, zip them all the way

Thursday, December 22, 2005

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you and, more horrifyingly, found underneath your Christmas tree.

In the spirit of believing

Thursday, December 15, 2005

It has come to my attention that parents, particularly at this time of year, spend a lot of time worrying themselves silly over one thing and one thing only, a concern so deep it literally wakes them from a sound sleep, apoplectic over some concern relating to: Santa.

Quality assurance in a husband

Thursday, December 8, 2005

A Romanian tried to lodge a complaint with consumer protection officials after his girlfriend refused to marry him.

Doing time in tiny chairs

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Few things strike greater fear in the parental heart than these: parent-teacher conferences. Highly educated adults, captains of industry, even veterans of foreign wars can be reduced to puddles of insecurity at the very prospect of conferring with their child’s teacher.

Fungal cream? Makes a great gift!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

For years, the great philosophers of the world have told us people can be divided into two basic groups: the Day After Thanksgiving Shoppers and rational human beings.

My pilgrim progress, or not so much

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I have nothing against Thanksgiving. Really. Any holiday that has pie as its main export is all right with me.

Superhero’s mom has hands of steel

Thursday, November 10, 2005

From the moment I held my firstborn son in my arms, I realized, almost instantaneously, that this wild, wonderful, unpredictably joyous journey I had only just begun would, in the blink of a moment, lead to my own planned obsolescence.

OK, so celebrity parents are perfect

Thursday, November 3, 2005

As if we needed further proof that celebrities are, in fact, pure evil, we have Gwyneth Paltrow nattering on in a recent issue of The British Mirror: “(Having a baby) changed the way I see the world,” she told a reporter.

Clowning around has its rewards

Thursday, October 27, 2005

How does that old song go? Send in the clowns

Adding to the class menagerie

Thursday, October 20, 2005

As usual, our family remains committed to causing highly educated and supremely dedicated professionals seriously doubt their career of choice.

Americans just say no to science

Thursday, October 13, 2005

A team from the National Science Museum in Tokyo, has, for the first time, discovered a giant squid captured on camera in its natural habitat.

Are you a victim of cable TV?

Thursday, October 6, 2005

Once again, I have let a perfect opportunity for martyrdom pass me right by. Isn’t that always how it is? Blink, you miss it, and before you know it, all the good victimizations are taken.

Ultimate trick is the scary treat

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Obviously, it is never too early for me to start scheming – and worrying – about where my next sugar rush will come from.

Getting hammered on home improvement

Thursday, September 22, 2005

There are just some things no woman ever wants to hear from her spouse including: “Honey, I’ve met someone.

My lost, and found, popularity

Thursday, September 15, 2005

When I think of all the years of my youth I wasted worrying about being popular, why, I could just weep.

Forging a ‘failure for life’ in first grade

Thursday, September 8, 2005

There is a certain, delicious agony in failing first grade. Granted, it’s virtually impossible to really flunk out on the second day of school, but me, I’m an overachiever.

Here’s to a not so ‘perfectly’ good year

Thursday, September 1, 2005

On your mark, get set, go back to school! That rite of passage, the “back to school season,” is upon us once again, ready or not.

My friends have me flying out of control

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I am running with a bad crowd. Somewhere there is a bookish gathering of nerdy, sedentary types missing me terribly.

Missing: Some sense of security

Thursday, August 18, 2005

He would have been 31 years old last November – November 14 to be exact, which stands out for me, because that is my birthday, too.

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