You just never know when you will be tapped for greatness. On the day the play parts were passed out by the school’s music teacher – a man with nerves of steel and/or really heavy-duty ear plugs – my son came bearing that slip of paper like it was the sword pulled from the stone.
Pardon my dust, but my home page is a mess. Worse yet, I’m expecting visitors. At least I hope I get visitors.
Generally, I shun technology. Fear it, even. I am still using a circa 1997 computer because, quite frankly, I’m scared to death of having to approach some 17-year-old employee at the equivalent of a “Techno Toys “R” Us” and showcase my pathetic ignorance.
Up to now, I have resisted physical activity in the form of “working out” the way fish, say, resist learning to ride a bicycle.
It’s that time again. Time for the annual “How I shall completely revamp my life in the New Year” passel of lies we all pass off as “resolutions.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you and, more horrifyingly, found underneath your Christmas tree.
It has come to my attention that parents, particularly at this time of year, spend a lot of time worrying themselves silly over one thing and one thing only, a concern so deep it literally wakes them from a sound sleep, apoplectic over some concern relating to: Santa.
A Romanian tried to lodge a complaint with consumer protection officials after his girlfriend refused to marry him.
Few things strike greater fear in the parental heart than these: parent-teacher conferences. Highly educated adults, captains of industry, even veterans of foreign wars can be reduced to puddles of insecurity at the very prospect of conferring with their child’s teacher.
For years, the great philosophers of the world have told us people can be divided into two basic groups: the Day After Thanksgiving Shoppers and rational human beings.
I have nothing against Thanksgiving. Really. Any holiday that has pie as its main export is all right with me.
From the moment I held my firstborn son in my arms, I realized, almost instantaneously, that this wild, wonderful, unpredictably joyous journey I had only just begun would, in the blink of a moment, lead to my own planned obsolescence.
As if we needed further proof that celebrities are, in fact, pure evil, we have Gwyneth Paltrow nattering on in a recent issue of The British Mirror: “(Having a baby) changed the way I see the world,” she told a reporter.
How does that old song go? Send in the clowns
As usual, our family remains committed to causing highly educated and supremely dedicated professionals seriously doubt their career of choice.
A team from the National Science Museum in Tokyo, has, for the first time, discovered a giant squid captured on camera in its natural habitat.
Once again, I have let a perfect opportunity for martyrdom pass me right by. Isn’t that always how it is? Blink, you miss it, and before you know it, all the good victimizations are taken.
Obviously, it is never too early for me to start scheming – and worrying – about where my next sugar rush will come from.
There are just some things no woman ever wants to hear from her spouse including: “Honey, I’ve met someone.
When I think of all the years of my youth I wasted worrying about being popular, why, I could just weep.