Dear offspring, As we kick off the celebration of summer vacation, I feel it only fair to tell you: We are taking you off life support. All right, not life support, but electronic devices, which to your minds may be the same thing.
So, former high school students, today is your graduation day? Congratulations! Today is the first day of the Rest of Your Life, and all that jazz. First things first, let me get something out of the way: Adulthood is awesome.
Why is it that the so-called “big box” home improvement warehouses (named after the merchandise or their resemblance to big boxes, no one knows for sure) seem to rely solely on advertising their array of goods and services sold by experienced, industry professionals when, in reality, they are likely to offer neither in any great […]
Having been laid out like a limp rag with a stomach bug has given me plenty of time to think. First, I think the term “stomach bug” is a misnomer. This is more a Godzilla-esque stomach slayer armed with sticks and sharp knives and bent on killing me from the inside out. There may also […]
Regular readers will recall that I recently stalked, er, assisted, a woman in finding a home for her wayward goat. Eavesdropping in a local salon led me to a woman who had a goat that needed a home and there we were — a home in need of a goat. Can you can say “kismet?” […]
If I’d had any sense I would have started writing for this paper years ago. I could really have used the free subscription. When I tell people my home is furnished in Early Auction, they generally laugh and consider me quite the punster. In reality, that is very nearly true. Nearly every stick of real […]
Most women go to the beautician for highlights, lowlights, maybe a deep condition. Me, I go for livestock. There are numerous charming reasons why I know I live in a truly small town, but going in for a quick trim of the split ends and coming home with a goat surely ranks at the top. […]
As a veteran sports mom, I have logged more than my fair share of time on the sidelines of various youth sporting events. I love to cheer for the kids — mine and anyone else’s. Game time will generally find me clapping sedately as the action unfolds. I find that “nice hustle!” is an all-purpose […]
Upon ironclad confirmation that superstar golfer Tiger Woods had engaged in a pattern of marital infidelity of such scope, breadth and sheer numbers that one wonders how he ever found time to tee off, Tiger’s mother (and later Tiger himself) would say only that he “made one mistake.” Award winning Hollywood actress Sandra Bullock’s husband, […]
“Wherever you go, there you are.” First, let me state for the record that I fully realize that you have only petty, first world problems if the extent of your trouble is the fact that the fancy navigational system in your automobile won’t allow you to find swanky ocean-front locations with quite the speed you’d […]