An interview with the Wonderkids

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Our daughter, at 4 years old, told people that her mommy was a colonist. Redcoats, deadlines, same thing.

Now Boywonder and Girlwonder are grown, or nearly so (sob). It seemed time for them to pen a tell some, if not a tell all.

Interview

Here then is an actual interview conducted with the Wonderkids.

What is it like to have your mom write about your lives?

Boywonder: It doesn’t really affect me? I don’t know what you want here? (Author’s note: He was what we call a reluctant witness.)

Girlwonder: A lot of people know you. My writing teachers know you. They reference you in class. That’s kind of cool.

Has having your mother write about your lives ever been a problem?

Boywonder: (Laughs) All the time. No really, it didn’t bother me, but you got in trouble.

Remember when you had to write my fourth grade teacher an apology after you got called into the school? (Author’s note: I was framed).

Girlwonder: Not really. Well, and not my problem, but when you wrote about soccer once the coach was upset. (Author’s note: Sensing a pattern here.)

What’s a good thing about having your mother write about your lives?

Boywonder: You don’t have to worry about forgetting anything.

Girlwonder: It’s like I have a biography of my life even though I’m not famous — yet.

(Author’s note: At this point, true to form, Boywonder left to go chase runaway goats.)

Do you like when you’re recognized as Girlwonder by readers?

Girlwonder: Yes, it’s kind of cool. It’s funny that you don’t use our real names but people figure it out.

Is your dad really as wonderful as his name implies?

Girlwonder: Yes. Whenever something is wrong it’s like, call dad. He can do anything. Meanwhile, women always want to meet Mr. Wonderful and I’m like, he’s taken.

Is your mom funny in person?

Girlwonder: Yes, we have fun because we both think each other are hilarious. I mean, we are obviously delightful.

Are your goats as entertaining as your mother implies?

Girlwonder: The goats I can relate to on a spiritual level because they literally are like free range. They just do whatever they want.

They have acres of pasture but somehow that’s not enough for them. They just have to go to the front yard and eat the exact same grass there. The grass really is always greener.

You live in a really old house. Your mom writes about it a lot. What is that like?

Girlwonder: The funny thing is, when I was little, our house seemed so big to everyone and in retrospect it’s not even necessarily that large.

I remember one time I was drawing a picture of my house in grade school and my friend said the paper wasn’t big enough to draw our house.

I don’t know why but I always thought that was funny. I suppose he thought I was aiming for life size?

Living in an old house people always just assume that it’s haunted, which it kind of is, but it’s not like scary haunted.

I had a hard time having sleepovers because people would be like the deer head winked at me. I spent a lot of time as a child explaining that there really is no such thing as deer ghosts.

Were there any perks to being the children of a writer?

Girlwonder: Oh sure. One that stands out is that when our old cat died one of my teachers brought in candy bars because she read about it and felt our pain. That was so nice.

Honestly, people are just so nice. They send cards and letters. It’s really thoughtful.

If you had to describe your family what would you say?

Girlwonder: I would say that we’re really close and fun. I’m also cuter than my brother.

Do you want to be a writer when you grow up?

Girlwonder: Ummm, I feel like writing is fun for me but I don’t know if I want to make a career out of it. I think it’s more a hobby than a career. (Author’s note: She’s seen my paychecks.)

Do you have a favorite column that your mom has written?

Girlwonder: I haven’t read them all because she was writing before I was born. What comes to mind is the one about the end of my high school soccer career.

I like that it really captures my friendships with my teammates and the bond that my brother and I have because I think it’s really special. My friends are so amazed that siblings are so close and do so much for each other. To me it’s just my life.

Overall I love that column because I know my soccer career is over and it’s sad but it made me realize that it will always be important to me, not for winning or losing, but for the things I learned and the friends I made.

What is the most embarrassing thing your mom has ever written about?

Girlwonder: I don’t really know? I think she’s pretty good about not wanting to embarrass us.

(Author’s note: This isn’t really all that interesting. I’m just leaving it here as evidence.)

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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

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