Custom counter calamity

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As someone who works in social media and blogging, I am often sent ideas from bloggers and design companies who want to share home renovation ideas.

The latest? “Three new countertop designs!” How exciting? Three brand new ideas.

Of course, my needs are small. How about having countertops in our kitchen at all?

Late

Yes friends, for those following along with the endless kitchen renovation, this week marked day 10,712 (or something close — math and I are not friends) and we still do not have kitchen countertops.

They were ordered some 10,712 days ago with a four-to-six week turnaround time. With that time frame, we should be well on our way to ruining them by now.

They were ordered from a store we will refer to as House Station. House Station, it should be noted, is just the middleman that apparently does business with countertop fabricators who don’t understand how calendars work.

It’s possible they also don’t really understand how tape measures work.

The fabricator sent a person to measure to be certain all the numbers were correct. That seemed to go well.

The first countertops arrived 10 weeks later (four weeks late). It was apparent they fit “a” kitchen, just not necessarily our kitchen. Short on one end, long on another.

The installer shook his head, made a call, and they were whisked away. They were with us less than 30 minutes.

Still, it was a sighting. Actual countertop visitation. That was a month ago.

Customish

It says something when an entire kitchen of custom cabinetry built to fit a 113-year old home is finished and installed more expediently than a prefab countertop.

It begs the question, what are they doing with my counter?

We currently have a cobbled together sort of plywood countertop and no kitchen sink at all. We traipse two rooms over to a bathroom with a sink the size of a soup bowl for water.

There is a certain rustic charm, but this has been going on since March.

I really do try and keep it in perspective. This is a first world problem. There are people cooking in huts — or less.

They don’t even dream of a carrera marble finish and they walk miles, not 20 feet in climate controlled comfort, for potable water. Our situation is small stuff.

Guests

Despite my calm demeanor, we are now officially two months past the original due date of the counters. Still, we have no counters.

We have people in our lives who have been with us long enough to feel at home in our house — kick off your shoes and stay a while — who have never seen us live without plywood kitchen services, and a microwave and range hood In our foyer.

I keep making grand statements about “finishing” but I know they think I’m just delusional at this point.

I find myself assuring visitors that someday we will see running water in the kitchen sink and actual countertops.

If not, then at least we can add a fourth choice option for countertop trends: better plywood and space for a bucket.

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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

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