Powerless? Off with their heads

You know what makes me realize I am not a nice person? My reaction when you put a stop to my unlimited power.

We recently had a short, but annoying, electrical power outage and, as I learned of others happily having their power restored, I had ENVY. I begrudged them of their good fortune. They should be in the dark like me!

I think I’m fine when we are “all in this together.” It’s when other people see the light before I do that I get a bit testy.

Recently, it finally rained FOR REAL and as a result of the monsoon meets high winds, our power went out. Nowadays, that is not quite the cut-off-from-all-civilization situation as it once was. With a cell phone, I was able to happily continue whining about it. That was nice.

Granted, I should probably have pulled my nose out of the Internet long enough to gather some candles and flashlights BEFORE the sun went down completely and we were stumbling about in the dark.

Hindsight is always 20/20 — and well lit.

Upbeat

Meanwhile, back online there is always some “silver lining” friend embracing the silence and living in the moment. One sweet Facebook friend posted that it was kind of “fun” to be without power because she could sit in candlelight and listen to the critters singing. She suggested this was hard to beat in a sort of cheery upbeat tone.

I thought it was cute how my friends don’t really know me at all. She was soaking up the dark with nature (and probably being sniffed out by a roving band of wild bears or coyotes or whatever people are finding in their backyards these days). Meanwhile, my kids and I were sitting in the car with the engine running, charging our phones and listening to the radio.

I was pleased when my friend admitted that listening to the critters chirping was only fun for the first hour. Then you remember that you live in the country and can’t even flush your toilet without electricity — or a bucket. That’s when the cute wears off.

Non-Luddite ladies unite! Rather than rise to the occasion, I felt better when she returned to my wallowing and wailing level.

Weather

I understand weather happens. You can’t fight Mother Nature. I’m perfectly understanding for the first hour. Fortunately, I have great faith in the fine people who work for the power company. While I’m at home wondering why it is I can never find a candle or a match, they are out climbing poles and felling trees and making the magical goodness of full electric service come back to me. I appreciate that so much.

Still, I’m just a tad impatient. I’m sure that in a previous life I was Queen of something. I’m equally certain I was evil and mean.

Like Evil Queens the world over, you take away my power and I’m all very “No Power? You DISPLEASE me! Off with your heads!” Then I go all crazy because the thing that makes the magical electricity come out and make nice things happen is BROKEN.

There I was sitting in the dark, no running water, missing Olympic beach volleyball. I cannot live like this people. WE ARE NOT SAVAGES!!!

I’ve noted previously that we pay ridiculously high electric bills and nobody knows why. We don’t have electric heat, yet our bill often outpaces that of people who do. Now we know why: I’m an electricity addict. I need my steady stream of kilowatts!

All I ask is a personal lineman and my very own electric company truck.

About the Author

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless. More Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

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