In life there are two kinds of people: those who start shopping for Christmas Dec. 26 of the previous year, and those who wait until Black Friday (or later) to even think about crossing anything off their holiday shopping list.
Many people delight in having their shopping “all done” prior to Thanksgiving. They are at peace with the idea that the gifts they will give were purchased months ago.
They sit back and laugh at the rest of us hustling around the holiday season standing in long lines to the tune of Jingle Bells and jangled nerves.
Duty
For most of the year I am a “duty” shopper. I shop not for sport or pleasure but purely for need. I’m not a woman prone to enjoying wandering around “just to shop.” I shop for must haves such as people food, pet food and toilet paper.
Still, I am blessed with a family and, as such, realized long ago that little children are not terribly enamored of pet food and toilet paper as holiday gifts — no matter how festively one wraps them.
However, just as you wouldn’t set out to, say, climb Mount Everest on a whim, so too amateur shoppers who don’t normally partake of the “Power Shop” should never just dash out to take part in holiday mega sales without proper foresight and training.
Serious workout
To whit: pro shopping is a serious workout. Comfortable clothing and good, sturdy shoes are a must. The year I wore my cute boots with heels for a 10-hour Black Friday death march that will go down in infamy. Rookie mistake. One of my toes never fully recovered. It’s difficult for a grown woman to admit that she walks with a slight limp due to a Tickle Me Elmo injury.
On the clothing front I have only one word for you: layer, layer, layer. Retailers know only two temperature settings: arctic frost and heat wave.
A series of layers will help you endure both without feeling like you need to huddle with other shoppers for warmth or strip down to your skivvies to survive.
Both of those activities run the risk of getting you kicked out of the finer shopping establishments, although probably not most warehouse stores.
Phone
Never leave base camp (i.e. your home) without a cell phone charged and at the ready. This will be useful for locating your shopping companions in a mad-dash door buster melee (or for calling paramedics).
You can also phone home to ascertain if the buy-one-get-one deal on select virtual pets is worth scaling a mountain of writhing humanity in home electronics.
Finally, you can always phone a friend when you need assurance that buying a half-price cashmere sweater set for yourself is really the right thing to do.
Carts are at a premium during big holiday sales. Many an enterprising soul is missing a prime opportunity to rent themselves out as pack mules when other bargain hunters have shanghaied every last cart in the store.
In that instance a lightweight tote bag is worth its weight in gold (and in the right instance may be traded for same). It should be mesh or something “see-through” so store security remains satisfied that you aren’t trying to steal their merchandise.
Being tackled and patted down by a mall cop can really cut into the day.
Attitude
Attitude is everything. I have generally found holiday shopping to be not only pleasurable, but a bonding ritual. You are out and about with the true, the proud, the serious shopper. No dawdlers, browsers or aisle-blockers here.
Holiday shoppers are pro power shoppers. They make their lists. They check them twice. They get in, get the goods, and get out of the way.
Honestly, when you think about it, they ought to hold training camps to prep the rest of us in how to do that in grocery stores and the post office too.
Spirit
Finally, always be sure to pack a sense of humor and some patience. Holiday shopping is as much a shared social experience as anything. It helps to go into it with a good attitude.
You have so many gifts to buy? Good for you! You must have many friends and loved ones right? Your real reason for the season, according to your beliefs, should remain firmly in hand — and your heart — throughout the holidays and the whole year too.
If you find yourself worshiping on the altar of Toys R Us or an electronics superstore instead of seeking something with a bit more substance, it might be time to put down the sales flyers and pick up a more significant reading too.
Toys and gifts and gaily-wrapped presents are certainly fun, it’s true. Still, Christmas is about so much more than the presents. Remember: merry and bright come from the heart, not the mall.
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