Christmas feels different when you realize the real gifts were the people you thought you’d have forever and now you don’t. You look for and celebrate the firsts, but it’s the lasts that break your heart. One Christmas, we had our last holiday at our grandparent’s homes as a big extended family and we didn’t even know it. That makes me sad now. I miss it. New traditions come along, of course, but what I wouldn’t do for one more visit to the grandparents. That moment when the front door flung open, and they met us with arms outstretched for hugs is one I revisit often in my mind.
Ache. I no longer have a living grandparent and haven’t had one for several years now. My heart aches for a place that no longer exists. If you still have your grandparents, or whoever “your people” are, go as often as you can. Video them and their home. You forget details a lot faster than you think you will. Time is the only gift that really matters.
No human being loved me unconditionally like my beloved, wise, patient, loving Grandmothers did. I miss them deeply every single day.
There was a time when things were simply passed down without a thought, boxes of old ornaments, worn stockings, candles that had seen a dozen Christmases. It was just what families did. Then somewhere along the way, we started wanting everything new — fresh, untouched, picture-perfect. The old pieces were tucked away, replaced, forgotten. But now, we find ourselves searching for them again, the ones with history, with fingerprints, with love still clinging to them. Maybe the true beauty of the holidays lives in both appreciating what’s been passed down, while embracing a few things — and traditions — that are new.
I take out the dishes they passed down, the tablecloths they once lovingly ironed (I skip that part, I hope they can forgive me); I thumb through well-worn recipes to make the meals they once made.
GirlWonder is excited to be decorating her own old-but-new-to-her house. She is in touch with the family members of the former owners. After a century in the house, this “other family” seems to know the house has passed to the perfect people to love it, and they communicate often. She has decked the halls and shares photos with them. They exclaim in delight and share memories of their own holidays and gatherings past. It’s lovely to know the space will continue to host gatherings.
I know it’s popular for some to talk about family “dysfunction” and exclaim that it’s just miserable to have to go to family gatherings. If your experiences are miserable, then I am so deeply sorry for you. Mine were not. Sure, you need some reminders and ground rules. I think the old ways of not discussing politics should be enforced in perpetuity. See also: don’t try and discipline other people’s children (no matter how richly they may deserve it) unless safety is involved, of course.
Running with scissors and teasing the dog? Intervene. It takes a village. Having nothing on a visiting toddler’s plate but a dab of mashed potatoes, a single kernel of corn and a dinner roll? Mind your own business.
Otherwise the rules are pretty simple for a good time at a get-together. Do not wear a sweater or sweatshirt and then complain you’re hot. You know Mamaw isn’t afraid to run the heat on 80, so dress accordingly. Don’t act like you didn’t know that the oven was up and running from 3 a.m. (possibly yesterday) to meal time. This is not your first time here. Act like it.
The dinner prayer should be meaningful but is also NOT the time to catch up on your prayer life. Save the meandering verbal journey — and any true confessions — for another time. If the meal is growing cold while you catch up with the Lord, you might want to consider praying more often? Just saying.
Do not comment on anyone’s body type or fashion sense. We know that at a certain age it is almost REQUIRED to make the “do your pants go to church? Is that why they are so hole-y?” joke. RESIST.
If you are assigned to the “kids table,” don’t balk, or give the side eye. It’s always predetermined, based on some mathematical/time/age formula that only the elders are privy too. Just sit down, crouch if you have to and know the kids table has the best time anyway. The grownup conversations? They’re overrated.
Wherever you are, I hope this Christmas finds you blessed, content and happy. May you enjoy all the blessings of the season, and may your holiday theme be enjoying a life surrounded by loved ones who make your heart whole.
