Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Finders keepers

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Apparently when you become a mother they install a device on your person that keeps track of all your offspring’s belongings at all times. This makes sense when children are infants and not as capable of keeping track of their things. A person working on holding his or her head up and rolling over really […]

Picky people

Thursday, October 17, 2013

I’m not going to get any smarter — ever. I know this because I went ahead and picked at the wallpaper. That is always a bad idea. There is never a moment when you peel off a little bit of wallpaper and that improves a situation is there? Any rookie knows this. You don’t “just” […]

That dirty word, ‘just’

Thursday, October 10, 2013

There is a four letter word that has wreaked more havoc and cost me more money than any other word in the English language. That word is “just.” It’s not a swear word, but it probably should be. “Just looking.” “Just going to see what we might get into here.” “Just going to be a […]

The dance of daddies and young daughter’s dating

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Mr. Wonderful refers to most teenage boys with designs on his daughter (aka all of them) as “the one with the hands.” He further categorizes them as “the other one with the hands.”

Life in the slow lane

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Lately I’ve had a lot of time to stop and smell the roses. I’ve been taking the slow lane, enjoying the scenery. No, I’m not enjoying a newfound sense of Zen peace. I’m playing driving instructor to our 16-year-old. We paid a nice driving school a hefty sum to teach him in classroom and in […]

Good sports

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I am the least-likely athletic parent you would ever want to meet. I was the two left feet, poor eyesight, quintessential last kid picked. My playground days were spent hanging around the swing set, not swinging a bat to the skies. It’s the ultimate irony of the universe that someone like me would give birth […]

Sometimes you should just say no

Thursday, September 12, 2013

When my children started preschool I wanted to be involved. Being new to the community and eager to crack the code that would grant me access to the inner circles of small town life, I said yes to everything. By this, I mean the party planning, parade coordination, craft procurement and general commitment to the […]

Finding my focus

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I took the standard boatload of back to school photos of my children this year. There are the requisite posed photos on the rock we have used since they were infants. The rock is a perfect photo spot. No matter what the state of the yard, with a bank of trees behind it, the rock […]

WebMD is a drama queen

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Forget hypochondria, the Internet can make a cyberchondriac out of a molehill – or melanoma out of a mole.

Back in time, back to school

Thursday, August 22, 2013

“She is four years and 364 days old and she is spinning away from me like a leaf on the breeze.” I wrote that nine years ago on the day we signed our daughter up for kindergarten. I found it today, on the eve of her freshman orientation. She is now 14 years and 118 […]

Pretty perfect camping

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I am happy to report that my “send a watermelon to camp” program is coming along nicely. We have come to the realization we are just too lazy to eat healthy while camping. If fruit is sliced, diced, chopped and bagged we will eat it right up. If not, well, we carry so much food […]

Being fair to the fair

Thursday, August 8, 2013

For years we have happily ignored our county fair as something one enjoys hearing about from other people while blissfully avoiding the cost and stress for themselves. It’s like international travel. I want to thrill to your stories of working a mission in South Africa precisely so I don’t have to go to any trouble […]

It’s good to be king, or is it?

Thursday, August 1, 2013

So you want to be King? It helps immeasurably to be born into the Royal Family so you can mark that off your “to do” list Royal Baby. Well done! Fame. Now, you probably don’t realize it yet because you’re an infant and, as such, permitted to sleep on the job, but most people aren’t […]

How was the West won without bottled water?

Friday, July 26, 2013

Since the onslaught of 40 days of rain, the term “French drain” has been whispered in my ear. Let me assure you, it is not as sexy as it sounds.

Don’t rock the boat

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Last week I wrote of how graciously Mr. Wonderful took it when I accidentally bumped our (read: his) custom boat trailer off a post. I am proud to say how nice he was about the whole thing. He didn’t get upset or call me careless or dumb (both of which would apply). He knew I […]

First World Problems of the scratch and dent variety

Friday, July 12, 2013

We have recently been beset by a plague of First World Problems. First World Problems are defined as issues that arise from living in an industrialized nation that pale in comparison to the real troubles of the inhabitants of less industrialized cultures. (Example: If you are living in a mud hut on a war torn […]

Driving lessons

Thursday, July 4, 2013

“If I’m gonna hit a traffic jam, well it better be a tractor man … ” — Rodney Atkins I would like to apologize to all the capable Pittsburgh drivers because I am not one of you. I am a menace when I enter the city limits. There really should be a “rural driver” sign […]

Outdoorsy versus indoorsy

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Once again we packed up Boywonder and sent him off to camp for the week. By “we” I mean “he,” of course. I haven’t packed his bags since the memorable year I filled his knapsack with snack bars and he asked, derisively, if I was planning to have him dragged off into the woods by […]

Ghosts of Gettysburg

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Every year we take a vacation, my best friend and I and our collective four kids. In more than a decade of annual road trips we have always preferred museums and meaningful historical sites to amusement parks. Dragging the children through Thomas Edison’s birthplace, the faded ruins of Midwestern castles, or Henry Ford’s collective of […]

Dads and heavy lifting

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I theorize that the primary reason young men work out to build up muscles is that, on some primal, subconscious level, they know they will be fathers in the (very far) future and they are going to need their strength. This is primarily because fathers of a certain age seem to live to carry everything […]

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.