Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

First World Problems of the scratch and dent variety

Friday, July 12, 2013

We have recently been beset by a plague of First World Problems. First World Problems are defined as issues that arise from living in an industrialized nation that pale in comparison to the real troubles of the inhabitants of less industrialized cultures. (Example: If you are living in a mud hut on a war torn […]

Driving lessons

Thursday, July 4, 2013

“If I’m gonna hit a traffic jam, well it better be a tractor man … ” — Rodney Atkins I would like to apologize to all the capable Pittsburgh drivers because I am not one of you. I am a menace when I enter the city limits. There really should be a “rural driver” sign […]

Outdoorsy versus indoorsy

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Once again we packed up Boywonder and sent him off to camp for the week. By “we” I mean “he,” of course. I haven’t packed his bags since the memorable year I filled his knapsack with snack bars and he asked, derisively, if I was planning to have him dragged off into the woods by […]

Ghosts of Gettysburg

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Every year we take a vacation, my best friend and I and our collective four kids. In more than a decade of annual road trips we have always preferred museums and meaningful historical sites to amusement parks. Dragging the children through Thomas Edison’s birthplace, the faded ruins of Midwestern castles, or Henry Ford’s collective of […]

Dads and heavy lifting

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I theorize that the primary reason young men work out to build up muscles is that, on some primal, subconscious level, they know they will be fathers in the (very far) future and they are going to need their strength. This is primarily because fathers of a certain age seem to live to carry everything […]

The price of progress

Thursday, June 6, 2013

I front like I’m thrifty but let’s be frank here: I spend money like it’s plucked out of thin air. I will nickel and dime home furnishings and clothing, then turn around and warehouse club us right into the poorhouse. “Look, it’s a jumbo barrel of quinoa (never mind we hate it) for ‘only’ $44!” […]

Missing things

Thursday, May 30, 2013

You’re gonna miss this, You’re gonna want this back, You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast. — Trace Adkins This week I, the woman who embodies the phrase, “if it’s not in the scrapbook, it did not happen” missed a very important middle school awards program. GirlWonder was awarded for being on […]

Parenting performance review

Thursday, May 23, 2013

In the coming weeks, numerous graduates will stroll, stomp, or perhaps cartwheel across the stage (things are getting so fancy now) to accept their diploma. Still others will sign with various institutions for academics or athletics. In most cases, they will give a speech, be it on stage or a patch of grass in their […]

Winners, losers and eighth place

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Blue for first, red for second, third is white, fourth is yellow and fifth is green. By the time they blow past the primary colors and into the decorator shades of award ribbons, it’s fair to say you probably didn’t exactly excel at whatever it is that you’ve done. Burgundy may, in fact, be the […]

My kids are dating? Game on

Thursday, May 9, 2013

There’s a thin line between insanity and coping with your daughter dating. Our son is 16 and has begun to date a sweet and lovely young lady that we all like very much. With that, I’ve already said too much. Our daughter is 14 and slated to begin high school in the fall. We have […]

These weighty issues

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I am currently having an argument with my thighs. They didn’t use to irritate me, but lately, they’ve been on my last nerve. I recently came to the conclusion that, contrary to my popular belief, everyone I know had not stealthily outfitted their cameras with a wide-angle and extra chin lens just for me. Nor […]

A practical addiction

Thursday, April 25, 2013

For nearly a century, East Liverpool dominated the United States pottery industry … During its peak production years (1865-1910), East Liverpool’s potteries produced and sold the majority of America’s crockery … — The Pottery Capital of America, Ohio Historical Society I live within an easy driving distance of the Pottery Capital of America. Like most […]

The secret to my success

Thursday, April 18, 2013

I never tied my mother’s sheer curtains under my chin and paraded down the stairs playing “bride.” I didn’t plan Barbie’s wedding to Ken. I was too busy rearranging the furniture in Barbie’s Dream House to fish Ken out from the nest of dust bunnies he’d been exiled to under the bed. I never once […]

Helicopter parents who hover, smother

Friday, April 12, 2013

When they are toddlers, we stand within eye and earshot pretty much all of the time. We walk around with our arms outstretched and our hearts on our sleeves. We cushion bumps and catch their falls. Protecting our children from harm is job one.  As our children age, it can be tough to know when […]

Baby, you can drive my car

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Proving once again you can’t trust the government, our fair state has decided my son is old enough to drive. This, of course, is crazy talk. Obviously they just don’t understand just last week we were driving home with him (brand new) in his infant car seat (also new) at a blistering 25 mph because […]

The unbearable silence of too clean

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Every parent knows that silence in small children is not necessarily golden. In households with young children, too much quiet is an instant alert to go investigate immediately. The briefest lull once prompted me to scrutinize my very young son’s whereabouts only to find my toddler, and an entire doorframe, covered in black permanent marker. […]

It’s all a wash (and we can eat off one of my son’s socks)

Thursday, March 21, 2013

The home remodeling continues: Puzzling over LEDs and spin cycles.

I really am lucky to ‘get to’ be so stressed

Thursday, March 14, 2013

When you really get down to it, life is made up not of what you “have” to do but what you “get” to do — and that makes all the difference.

You light up my life

Thursday, March 7, 2013

When Mr. Wonderful came home and lit a candle before we sat down to eat, I was noticeably touched. Such a romantic! Scratch that. False alarm. He was looking for a breeze again. Off Being married to the man who considers it his life’s work to hold on to every last bit of energy our […]

Draft dodgers

Friday, March 1, 2013

“I’m excited about insulation.”Who says that?I do. I uttered that very sentence the other night as we were preparing for bed. I have spent enough years with Mr. Wonderful to know that sentence is akin to whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Over the years we have tried to find every last nook, cranny, and […]


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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.