Let’s do lunch — and snacks

That screaming sound you heard should not alarm anyone but me and my pants. After a really successful 2013 where I ate healthier than ever, felt better than ever, and dropped 35 pounds of chub (mostly from my extra chin and midriff), I stepped onto a scale to discover that 10 of those pounds had come roaring back.

Color me sad with a side of “Oh no!”

Cube

I really thought spending more time in an actual office instead of working from my dining room table, six steps from my kitchen, would lead to weight loss.

I had this whole theory where being held captive in a cubicle would mean I couldn’t eat all day. Those of you who toil at the cube farm 40 hours a week just about split your sides laughing.

If an army is said to travel on its stomach then let me assure you an office staff does doubly so. In every desk is a least one drawer that effectively doubles as an all-you-can-eat buffet.

I had been on the job less than 10 hours before I had squirreled away fruit, nuts, an emergency cup of heat n’ serve macaroni and cheese and a bag of chocolate because everyone knows that colleague loyalty can be bought with chocolate.

To this I have added two boxes of tea because tea is something I won’t give a second glance or the time of day to at home, but suddenly become very enamored of in an office setting. I like to think it makes me look dignified.

At home, despite my great love of food, eating, and all things involved in shoving things in my piehole, I actually do forget to eat.

It’s not unusual for me not to have a single bite until 2 p.m. or later (the better to ruin my dinner which we usually eat at 4 like farmers of yore). We eat around 5:30 p.m. on now and this has led to my family practically eating their hands — and eyeing small pets — as they wait for the designated eating time.

In the office, my brain and stomach keep track of an intricate internal bio rhythm that demands a piece of fruit midmorning, a healthy — and hefty — lunch, one piece of dark chocolate precisely at 2, and an orange around 3:30. Just to keep up my strength for the trek to the parking lot and home to dinner I guess.

Obsessed

It makes sense that I’m obsessed with food at work since I’m mostly working for groceries. In the last two weekends, we spent what seems to me an inordinate amount of money on food.

We don’t have champagne tastes, but we do love fresh fruits and vegetables.

In the Midwest a good melon or berries midwinter might as well come with an EZ Payment plan. Due to my newfound love of packing lunch, I’m also spending way too much on fancy cheeses and crackers (Princess does not love a sandwich).

I also like to have my little bowl of fresh fruit, some hummus and veggies, at least one granola bar and the aforementioned banana and clementine or assorted citrus for afternoon snacking.

Yogurt

That brings me around to the point of all this, my sudden attack of chub as it relates to my longtime friend and weight traitor: yogurt. I have a long standing addiction to yogurt.

I know it’s just really fattening fruit pudding but it’s so darned good. Nonetheless, I think I am going to break up with yogurt (see also: cheese).

It’s time to get back to the basics of fruit, vegetables and lean proteins. This, in addition, to whatever I can scrounge up out of desk drawers of course.

About the Author

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless. More Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

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