“You know you’re an adult when you get excited about new appliances.”
Growing up, I was always so disappointed for the contestants who won appliances on “The Price is Right.” At age 8 or so, I definitely would have preferred the loser’s lot of a year’s supply of “Rice-a-Roni” over an avocado green side-by-side refrigerator or a brand new electric dryer. Heck, if it was “Let’s Make a Deal,” I would have rather had a donkey. As a child, I just didn’t understand the allure of practical items. Now, I have seen how the other half lives.
Now that both BoyWonder and GirlWonder are homeowners, they are joining the exciting adult lifestyle of owning dull but necessary things — not exciting things, but things one needs like appliances, driveway gravel and plumbing. It’s all the exciting stuff a homeowner is never adequately warned about.
One minute you’re young and carefree. The next moment you know far too much about hot water tank capacity and home heating and cooling costs. You might even have strong opinions on smart thermostats and digital door locks. It’s a process.
BoyWonder’s home offers a shiny, brass and white range of Italian origin. It is massive. My first car was smaller — and cost less. It is stunning. This is truly the supermodel of stoves. Since Boywonder and his lovely fiance are wonderful cooks, the stove gets a workout. I have witnessed firsthand the delicious meals that come from this. It is truly the showpiece of their lovely kitchen.
Not to be outdone, GirlWonder and her Handsome Husband are also wonderful cooks. Well, her husband is anyway. She tends to eat mandarin oranges straight out of the can and call it dinner. I tried.
They bought an old house that came with old appliances. They settled in and everything worked, so if it’s not broken, why fix (or replace) it, right? They also took on the task of hosting Christmas dinner for all of us. Very exciting.
You know what’s coming right? It is simply Murphy’s Law that the very day you are hosting a special dinner or holiday event your stove will, of course, decide to die. To be fair, their 40-plus-year-old natural gas stove went out in a blaze of glory. Not literally, thank goodness. It just decided to lose all ability to regulate temperature.
Our blackened but still edible ravioli Alfredo was a testament to GirlWonder’s ability to act quickly when the oven flared from a sedate 350 F to something along the lines of “could melt steel.” The ravioli was delicious, nonetheless.
They spent Dec. 26 purchasing a new stove (and washer and dryer as well) — in for a penny, in for a pound and all that.
The stove was delivered this weekend, and we were all there when it arrived. We were stripping wallpaper off the kitchen walls, so amidst the chaos, this alien being of shiny stainless steel landed. We were able to gather around in awe when the five burner beauty touched down.
Wait? Why is it … blue? Oh okay, that’s just the plastic wrap to protect it from scratches. Again, since appliances today seem to cost as much as vehicles once did, this is wise. We picked and peeled at the protective layer until it shone in all its glory.
Buttons and dials blinked, beeped and glowed. GirlWonder approached it confidently. She wanted to set the clock. She pushed one button and the range requested … access to their WiFi? Um. Okay.
We stared at the range in confusion. Does it need access to the internet to work? What does it WANT? Connection? Sentience? Veto power? Is the stove going to decide that it doesn’t like roast beef and simply refuse to make it? Better yet, can I program it to know that I have already made far too many cookies this week and just … not? Maybe it could join forces with the refrigerator.
Imagine when your oven says “no to pie but the refrigerator is willing to let you have a salad.”
(Kymberly Foster Seabolt welcomes comments and cooking tips in care of FosterSeabolt@gmail.com; P.O. Box 38, Salem, Ohio 44460; or KymberlyFosterSeabolt.com.)
