Some days I wish I could go back in time. Not to change much, just to feel a few things twice.
I used to worry I didn’t spend enough time with my children. I was primarily an at-home mom with more blessings and time than many, yet I wondered, always, if it was enough?
Every birthday from age 2 years old on, I would have a moment of feeling unbearably sad thinking they were just that much older, and I had not soaked up every moment doing amazing, educational things.
Some days were just “wasted.” Or were they? Our children probably don’t remember when they napped on the porch in a warm spring breeze, a soft quilt under them on a musty wicker sofa — but I do.
I used to fret over my kids growing up. I held my baby and all but sobbed imagining handing him over to the school bus, the high school, the WORLD. If anyone was ever mean to him, I just knew I couldn’t take it. But, of course, I did.
One day you find yourself sitting next to your grown kids who are taller than you, smarter than you, cooler than you and doing things you could only dream of. You will look at them and feel such an immense and overwhelming sense of pride. It is a profound gratitude that not only did you get the joy of raising them — but you now get to enjoy their friendship.
I have said since the exact day our first child was born that they were — and are — the best things that ever happened to me. I am proud of many accomplishments in my life, but I can say without a doubt that my best work, my best contribution to the world, are the two humans we raised on instinct, a few parenting magazines, and a lot of watching how others parent and following their lead — or not.
For us, it’s been a minute — or decade — since our first child became a full-fledged adult and high school graduate. For many among us, that is happening right now. Watching your children grow into confident, incredible adults is one of the deepest rewards of parenthood. From raising them to walking beside them as friends is the full circle of love.
Suddenly the job you’ve held for nearly two decades is just … done? I mean sure they are still our babies and always will be, but in the practical sense they are not. They are heading to work, school and living outside our walls. It’s weird. It’s exhilarating.
Still, if you find yourself crying a bit these days, it’s okay. Have your moment but let me tell you — it only gets better. I swear. Our two adult kids are definitely my top favorite people. Better yet, they are now old enough that they have introduced us to two MORE of our top favorite people.
Someday your child is going to fall in love and if you are fortunate you are going to love their person too. You will find yourself wondering how your family ever felt complete without those people.
Birds. When I started to get maudlin during those last growing up years, I would remember the people who never had the blessing of seeing their children reach adulthood. Wouldn’t they have given just about anything to see their child walk across that graduation stage? Why would we not celebrate? Healthy birds fly.
I won’t lie. Time, like those birds, really does fly when you’re having fun. You blink, and they are grown and off in the work world. Then the phone rings, and they called “just to chat.” They have a question or a problem (great or small), and they say “I have to call my mom (or dad).”
I used to wonder how I would know if I was a good mom? Now I know. It is that when they are grown, they still want to come home. To call us. To sit on the porch and share things that matter, and things that don’t — not out of obligation, but by choice. That’s how I know we made home feel safe, that I didn’t just raise our children, I raised two of our very best friends.
If you are launching your own healthy birds this graduation season, just know that this is a time of celebration, not sadness. You’re not an “empty nester,” you’re a healthy bird launcher.
When asked what the goal is as a parent, I always reply, “for our children to no longer need us but still very much want us around.”
To me, that is the ultimate goal. I used to direct the show. Now, I sit in the audience thinking “bravo” at the lives our grown children are living for themselves.
