World’s worst Pinterest party planner

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I am the person who posted on Facebook asking for Pinterest pins for “Amazing Grad Party ideas to make 4 hours before the party?”

I was not kidding. I am not a planner. I am the anti-planner. I prefer to work under pressure. Two hours before GirlWonder’s graduation party, I swept the house like a spy looking for a bug.

I pulled out all her old soccer jerseys from age five to senior year. I pulled out sport banners, academic certificates, her National Honor Society bib, and various photos of her from the walls of our home.

I believe in planning on the fly. As far as I’m concerned, it came together beautifully.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to socialize. Spontaneity? I can do that. Call me in the late afternoon and tell me you’re heading over for dinner. I’ll throw something together and it’ll be amazing.

Cooking food

Give me four weeks to plan and you’ll be lucky to have food. I can cook for family dinners and holidays. I shut down completely when reaching commercial kitchen-sized meals.

Pinterest

I blame Pinterest. No longer can we just make a few dishes, buy ice, and if you are feeling fancy, maybe light a candle.

Now we need themes, food shaped like it isn’t food, and no party is complete without something (any and everything actually) served in a mason jar.

I’m pretty sure the canning jar cartel is in cahoots with Pinterest. Our grandparents used them for food storage. Today they appear at weddings — adorably, I might add.

Still, I just don’t have it in me to find creative things to do with canning jars other than store food, and possibly drink out of them. Apparently, I’m supposed to be painting them, putting pictures in them, and wrapping them in twine.

Using twine

Twine being another thing that my gram felt was best used in hay baling. These days twine has been promoted to a super cute party favor. People do the most charming things with twine.

I still have no idea how that happens. I am just never going to be the girl doing clever things with jars and twine.

I also have no skills at all with hot glue. I hate event planning so much that I eloped simply to avoid having to plan a wedding. True story.

I do better for the children. For Boywonder’s graduation party I booked a park, mailed out invitations, hired a caterer, and for the first time ever actually enjoyed a party I was hosting. This year, I did even less.

Most of Girlwonder’s invitations were digital. I think I mailed two. She is the second child. I fear if we had a third child their party would have been announced via Post-It note.

So there you have it. The mostly true confessions of the worst party planner ever.

Being creative

I strongly suggest that if you LOVE being crafty and creative — you do that. With my awe and blessing. I absolutely enjoy being a guest of people who absolutely adore setting the stage.

A dear friend sets a table that takes my breath away. It’s so sparkly and welcoming. She could serve me bread and water and it would feel like an event. She doesn’t, but she really could.

If, however, you are more a low-key entertainer, that’s fine too. Just relax, greet your guests, and if you really want to enjoy yourself, take a page out of my entertainment guide.

Call a caterer, book a venue, log out of Pinterest and write a check.

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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

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