I like to say that I’m generally pretty laid back, but if someone is nasty or rude, I can lean forward real quick. I don’t rely on profanity. My most relied upon phrase to express dismay is “good gravy!”
Teenage family members refer to these as my “old fashioned curse words.” I prefer creativity in a comeback. I like to emulate people who are kind but who also carry a bit of sass in their back pocket.
I’m also going to admit that it is deep in my DNA to hold a grudge. I hail from the bloodline of a man who, in 1876, sued another man in a court of law for cheating with his wife. Upon successful judgment, he then forced not one but TWO sheriff’s sales for the culprit’s entire property and possessions right down to his last bobsleds.
He then advertised those same bobsleds at give away prices – simply to prove a point. He didn’t necessarily want those bobsleds, he just didn’t want the other guy to have them — or much of anything else.
Other families may boast of their gentle ancestors with their good Christian ways and “turn the other cheek” philosophy. I’ve got “I will take everything you have and then some” rooted in my family tree.
Bridge. All of this to say that I would like to claim that I’m capable of being the “bigger person” who says wise things like it’s all “water under the bridge.” In truth, my inner child is probably monumentally petty. I usually really want to burn that bridge.
Like most parents, I don’t get overly worked up over slights to MYSELF. Someone doesn’t like me? Cool. Maybe they have a good reason? I can’t be everything to everyone. You can be the sweetest peach on the tree and some people just don’t like peaches. I just shrug. They get mad? They can get glad again. It’s neither here nor there to me.
Be mean and nasty to my loved ones, or anyone else really? That’s a whole other situation. I am neither cool, calm nor collected. What I am is dismayed, sad, furious and seeking nothing less than pure scorched Earth to the transgressor. I forgive people easily for myself, but mess with my loved ones and I’ll never forget. Were you mean to my child when she was 4 years old? I haven’t forgotten. I’m not DOING anything about it, mind you. I’m not a psychopath. Just know that I KNOW.
Trolls. Recently Mr. Wonderful, who is much kinder than most, became the target of online trolls. Online trolls engage in ways that would be considered downright hilarious if they weren’t directed at actual living creatures. It never fails to amaze me what people will say when they are hidden behind a keyboard. They will say things they wouldn’t dare say to a person’s face.
It’s as if they have never been taught how to behave in a civil manner. Worse, it is as if they cannot engage in witty banter. I think it’s safe to say that only I am allowed to be snappy and rude to Mr. Wonderful! Everyone else needs to behave. He thought it was funny. I was spitting mad.
Fortunately, I’ve learned to wait AT LEAST 36 to 48 hours before firing off angry missives. You can’t regret what you don’t send. I don’t really have a lot of patience in waiting for that time to pass and the cooling off period to commence. I stomp and mutter and fume. I don’t do much of anything else but those things. I call it being “Big Mad.”
There I was on a sunny Saturday morning completely wasting the day over mean words. I was stomping around and threatening the usual scorched earth meets metaphoric bobsled seizure that is my birthright. Nonetheless, I was sticking to my rule of just staying calm and not escalating anything by sharing my inside thoughts out loud. I’ve heard it said “you can be mad but you cannot be mean.” I was muttering “it’s fine, everything is fine” while inside I was fully primed to let my irritation derail my whole day, if not the entire weekend. The trolls were winning.
Then Mr. Wonderful, unbothered, it should be noted, handed me the mail. Into my lap fell two lovely “fan” letters. In my hands was a reminder that kindness abounds. Thoughtful people sending handwritten notes and a letter, sharing an interesting magazine article, reaching out and being simply KIND for no reason at all.
I would like to take a moment to thank God for these people. It is too easy to focus on anger and miss so many instances of kindness. I felt myself exhale. It’s important to remember that even small acts of kindness can make hate seem far less powerful.
