Ready or not, school is out, and the kids are home.
If you are like me, you might already be thinking about summer learning plans. We’re checking into local library reading challenges, buying workbooks and preparing for math practice. While these routines help prevent the dreaded summer slide, summer also offers a valuable opportunity to help children develop other important life skills like resilience.
Resilience is the ability to “bounce back” when things get tough. Picture a rubber band that stretches but doesn’t break; it snaps back into shape. For kids, resilience shows up when they try again after struggling, stick with something difficult or learn from mistakes instead of giving up. Tears might happen, frustration may bubble over and emotions can run high, but that’s all part of the process.
Although it sometimes seems like something kids and teens either have or don’t, resilience is a learned skill. Children and teens build it through real-life experiences, especially when they are given the chance to face challenges and work through them. Most importantly, they learn resilience by watching the adults around them. The way we respond to stress, setbacks and frustration teaches them how to respond as well. As parents, stepping back and observing can be difficult, but it can also reveal how closely their reactions mirror our own.
A key part of resilience is developing a growth mindset. This is the belief that abilities improve with effort, practice, and persistence. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” kids learn to say, “I can’t do this…yet!” That one small, powerful word shifts their thinking from defeat to possibility and keeps them moving forward.
So how can you support resilience this summer without more stress? The good news is it doesn’t require extra work or stacks of flashcards (cue a sigh of relief). It happens naturally through everyday life.
Focus on competence
One of the most effective ways to build resilience is to give adolescents opportunities to feel capable. This means assigning tasks that are challenging but achievable, while allowing space for mistakes.
Summer offers countless opportunities for this. Chores like watering a garden, mowing the lawn or helping care for animals allow kids to see the direct results of their effort. In our home, I let my kids design and plant flowerpots. It wasn’t perfect. We had spills and plenty of mess. But each child felt proud of what they created. Now they are responsible for caring for their plants, and that sense of ownership matters more than perfection.
Build confidence through effort. Confidence doesn’t come from praise alone. It grows when kids accomplish something after working through a challenge. Giving them opportunities to take the lead can make a big difference. Older youth might teach a younger sibling how to complete a task, while younger children can help cook dinner or take on small responsibilities.
What we say matters
Instead of offering general praise, focus on specific effort and action, even if the result isn’t perfect:
• “You worked really hard on that.”
• “You explained that clearly.”
• “I saw you stick with it.”
Small accomplishments are worth recognizing. The joy in my son’s eyes when he tied his calf by himself for the first time made the frustration worthwhile. When my daughter mastered tying her shoe, it was a major victory. Allowing kids room for mistakes, space to problem-solve and encouragement along the way helps them see themselves as capable.
Accountability matters
Another piece of resilience is understanding that their choices have consequences, and they can learn from them. This can be tricky with developing minds, but when approached thoughtfully, it is effective.
Summer is a great time to give children meaningful responsibilities. This includes managing part of the garden, helping with household chores, a grocery list, or helping with a repair project.
When things don’t go as planned, and they won’t. Take a step back. Pause, listen and resist the urge to fix everything. Instead, guide your child with questions that encourage problem-solving:
• “What can you do to fix this?”
• “What do you think should happen next?”
• “What could you try next time?”
These conversations help children connect their actions to outcomes while building critical thinking skills. It’s also important to focus on behavior, not on the child. Rather than labeling them as careless, try saying:
• “It’s OK, we’re still learning.”
This keeps the focus on growth versus shame. As parents and caregivers, we can also model accountability ourselves. At home, I try to own up when I make mistakes. Whether I’ve done something wrong or overreacted. I am sure to apologize when appropriate. Showing kids what accountability looks like in action leaves a lasting impression.
Let struggle happen
Watching kids struggle can be hard. Our instinct is to step in and make things easier, but manageable challenges, sometimes called “safe failures,” are where real growth happens.
When children try new things, face setbacks and keep going, they build skills they’ll need for bigger challenges later. This also creates opportunities to develop healthy coping strategies. Coping means learning how to regulate emotions and respond to hard situations in positive ways.
Take on a coaching role. Stay calm, help identify feelings, validate them and then work together to explore solutions. Strategies might include deep breathing, taking a break, counting, moving their bodies or listening to music. By stepping back and supporting rather than rescuing, we give kids the chance to grow.
This summer, consider shifting the focus from perfect results to meaningful experiences. Let kids take on real responsibilities. Allow mistakes. Support them as they learn how to recover and try again.
Because when children learn to handle challenges, take responsibility, and believe in their ability to grow, they are doing more than helping. They are developing confidence and resilience that will stay with them into adulthood.
And that may be the most valuable lesson of all.
