Monday, August 29, 2016

Lately, I have been late for everything and I just know daylight-saving time is to blame. OK, Heimlich yourselves.

Imagine my surprise to discover that I don't know how to answer my phone anymore. This is mainly because there is no surprise.

Well, it's official. The terrorists have won. In a move that began as a response to an industry-wide airline ban on carrying liquids and other concealed weapons such as waterproof eyeliner and a to-die-for shade of lipstick in anything more than a clear, zip-lock bag, designers have rolled out the newest "trend" to torture us with: transparent purses.

Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. I use this line ALL the time. I learned it.

You have no idea how many times I have thanked the good Lord for creating me in this century. He, in his infinite wisdom, knew exactly what he was doing when he put me in a time period blessed with hot running water and warm toasty furnaces.

I have never been terribly good at punctuality. I'm generally late for just about everything. Granted, I was born early, but that may, in fact, be the very last time I was even remotely on time.

Having two children less than two years apart teaches a person a lot about parenting. The problem is that the "students" will be too bone tired for the first six years to remember a single bit of it.

Apparently, my children are attending spy school. That is the only explanation for why I, the consummate prying parent, am so completely in the dark about what it is they DO all day.

As the work-at-home mom-type person, I have become quite the hostess. Granted, not for cocktail parties, holiday dinners, or any gathering involving guests over the age of 10.

There is a reason I have no desire to travel the world, see exotic places, and meet new and exciting people and it is this: new and exciting people who live in other places are strange.
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