Joys of married life

1
302

Last night, a handsome gentleman came sneaking into my bed in the wee hours past midnight. Fortunately, it was Mr. Wonderful.

As I awoke, very briefly, I said to him, “Gee honey you are so quiet, I didn’t even hear you come in.”

What he heard: “I can do better.”

Loud

I swear to you that no sooner had I spoken the man left the bedroom, went downstairs and proceeded to rummage loudly in the desk for the charger for his Fitbit.

This included a trip back up to the bedroom to ask me where it might be. At 1:30 a.m.

Keep in mind this is a fitness gadget that does not need to be charged at 1:30 a.m. on any morning ever. This, my friends, is marriage.

Well, this and not putting a pillow over his face when his fidgety self finally settles down. I swear it was easier to put one of our children down to sleep than this man. He means well.

To his credit, I am also a lot to take most of the time. I am famous for expecting him to diagnose car troubles over the phone. I call him up, “yeah, it’s doing this thing, and there’s a light, and I don’t know?”

Honestly, he’s gotten good over the years. He even knows what I mean when I say “it’s kind of like a grinding but more like maybe a whine?”

He translates “Kymberly’s car sounds” to mechanics like a champ.

Patient

He also is very patient with my constant rearranging of our kitchen. Every so often I just get a bug in my ear to move all the bowls to a different cabinet or spoons to a different drawer.

I might mix up the spice storage, too. I always act like everyone knows this and become immediately annoyed if items are not returned to their new home.

He’s been a saint for more than two decades of tracking down spatulas like a bloodhound on the scent.

The poor man just wants to make an egg, and it’s a scavenger hunt.

For his part, he likes to leave things in the most outlandish of places. Need a drill? Check the bathroom? His shoes? Under the dining room table. (Why???)

He is definitely a function over form person. He cares little for how something looks and greatly for how it works.

This means that your best bet in finding anything he has touched is to look where he last used it. It’s probably still there.

On the flip side, I prefer form over function. I will make you walk two extra rooms over to get a jacket because the idea of storing them near the door doesn’t “look right.”

I have a fuzzy white shag run in the living room of a house situated on a hill made entirely of mud for the same reason. For one brief, shining moment, it looked good. He just laughs and says “it looks fine dear.”

He pretends to listen to my long, sometimes pointless, stories about my day and I do the same for him. I hear antics of people I have never met and grow fond of them anyway. He does the same for me. This, is marriage.

If you find yourself married to the same person for more than two decades, and you publicly anoint him “Mr. Wonderful” (which, in retrospect, was kind of a recipe for creating a big headed husband), you might find yourself fielding questions from people asking how you make marriage work?

Advice

It starts with hearts and flowers and breathless infatuation. It ends with not smothering a man in his sleep (no matter how tempting) because he woke up you up, or him not leaving the room just because you snore (or so they claim).

In our rare fights, I have been known to snap, “well, this has to stop or the next 40 years is going to drag!”

It doesn’t matter how loud or messy the other person is, you’re all in.

Some days it will feel like most of your marriage is spent swearing that the other party never told you that or yelling “what?” from another room.

On the other hand, it’s always having someone who can pretty much figure out what you mean even if you refer to “y’know, the thing, with the thing, that goes in the thing?”

All I know is that despite declaring it a “Hallmark holiday” I was engaged on Sweetest Day (because you never listen dear) and courthouse married with a $200 diamond ring.

Years later it’s still the best investment I ever made.

STAY INFORMED. SIGN UP!

Up-to-date agriculture news in your inbox!

SHARE
Previous articleU.S. ethane production to increase through 2018
Next articleHazard a Guess on this blacksmith made tool
Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

1 COMMENT

  1. It is true that when you commit to marriage there are going to be some rough places. Diann and I will be married 50 years this coming November 18. It is pretty hard to imagine that we made it this long and yet, it is pretty hard to imagine not making it either. We simply love each other. Oh, it hasn’t been hearts and flowers and wonderful music all the time. But more times than not the wonder of this person who consented to spend her life with me keeps me interested. We were laughing the other day at how easy it is to poke fun at ourselves. Like, for instance, we are becoming bionic. What with knee replacement, pig heart valves, pacemakers and new shoulders. it won’t be too long before we have our own TV show. We just love each other. Pure and simple, we love. It is what we do.
    Bill and Diann Sites.

LEAVE A REPLY

Receive emails as this discussion progresses.