Stories by Kymberly Foster Seabolt

Incredible shrinking food

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Nowadays, I not only take my calculator along on grocery shopping trips (the better to ascertain if we can or cannot afford to eat again this week), but I probably should take a magnifying glass along too. I don’t mean to alarm anyone unnecessarily, but our food appears to be shrinking. Granted, most would agree […]

Do children appreciate all we do?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

First, I would like to thank the editor of this fine publication for my latest existential crisis. They cooked up that heartwarming “Thanks, Mom!” contest last week. I really thought I had that one in the bag. I like to think I’m a pretty great mom. I’m there every day before school, after school, heck […]

Workout? How about a nap out instead?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I want to be physically fit. I really do. It’s just that it takes so much time. And effort. And commitment. There is only so much time in the day, after all, and I have to pencil in parenting, cooking, cleaning, laundry, running errands and the like. That barely leaves any time at all to […]

Parenting 101: Cajoling and punishment

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I suspect that civilization, as a whole, took a nosedive the very moment people started trying to reason with children. Children are, by nature, unreasonable. Children are basically egos with lungs and legs. Nonetheless, modern parents seem to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to coax, cajole and downright beg their progeny to “please, […]

Raising children? You’re actually just in a holding pattern

Thursday, April 23, 2009

The moment you have a baby, people who are “experts” in the care and handling of infants become utterly convinced that if not taught properly how to hold your child you will, in fact, drop it. Sane, rational adults will caution you to “Watch his head!,” as if only their careful tutelage is what prevents […]

Vegetable murder and gardening mayhem

Thursday, April 16, 2009

It is said that murderers often return to the scene of their crimes. This is utterly believable to me. I’ve been returning to the same spot in our backyard garden annually for years now, despite the carnage I inevitably leave in my wake. Innocent Some may recall that my first innocent victim, gardening wise, was […]

Go digital, but leave a paper trail

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I am an ironic dinosaur, career-wise. I began my writing on the Internet when I discovered, quite by happy accident, that some kind souls would actually pay me to do what I would happily have done for free at the time. In the early days of the Internet, public “message boards” allowed anyone with dial-up […]

You can’t pause and rewind life

Thursday, April 2, 2009

If I had any doubt at all that modern life has made me soft and slack, all it took was my love affair with our DVR (Digital Video Recorder) to convince me that it is so. I’ll be thoroughly modern and immediately claim that this is not really my fault. Had I been born in […]

Hearts gone wild

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. – Elizabeth Stone The collision seemed to happen — as these things always do — in excruciatingly slow motion. In a burst of reckless speed, a sudden swerve and then the […]

A man, a barn, and a movie

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Pretty much every crazy idea Mr. Wonderful and I have ever had probably started with a measuring tape. One moment we are sitting around, happy as clams and not bothering a soul — least of all ourselves. The next, one of us is poking around and spouting crazy talk such as “I was thinking …” […]

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About Kymberly

Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.