Appealing to bad nature’s good nature


“Residents of Texarkana, Texas reported seeing fish falling from the sky and landing in their yards.”

— ABC News

For my ongoing series titled “Nature is Not To Be Trusted” comes this gem. It rained fish from the sky in Texas. Of course it did.

For the record, I am not a hater of nature. I love nature in its proper place. Fish from the sky is not it. Nor are bats, snakes, mice, spiders, etc. indoors. Basically anything that is not a domesticated, invited animal should never turn up indoors. I am not out there trying to live in a belfry or under a rock. I would appreciate the same respect for boundaries from bats, snakes and so on.

Every year, we are treated to wildlife that just cannot respect proper boundaries. Deer show up on video crashing into houses and supermarkets and other such places that deer have no reason to be. Do they even have debit cards to shop with? I think not.

If deer need something, they need to stick to online ordering. Crashing through the plate glass front of a Piggly Wiggly is not the path to success.


In researching this essay I came across a public service announcement titled “What should you do if you are attacked by cows?” Surprisingly, “cry” was not the first answer. First were handy tips for surviving cow attacks. Tip: don’t lay down, but also don’t run — so just … levitate, I guess? Then, there was the note that “more people have been killed by cows in Britain than by bulls.”

Just so I don’t leave you unprepared, if you are attacked by a cow, it seems you are supposed to hit it on the nose to deter it. So cows are both deadly, and amenable to being “booped” on the nose. Now we know.

I realize cows are not necessarily “nature” attacking, but when any part of the animal kingdom gets sassy, I consider them to be wild. If they aren’t going to act civilized, they are going to be labeled.

Sea lions

Meanwhile in California, a sea lion wandered (slid?) onto a San Diego freeway. It was safely rescued by the highway patrol, and Sea World. I’m so glad that worked out well. Poor guy was probably just looking for a ride. At least he (she?) stayed outdoors. It’s not like it slid into somebody’s living room.

I’m sure sea lions have a downside, but I admit that I would be somewhat tickled to see one out roaming about. If sea lions attack it’s very likely I am going to be a victim because I find them adorable.


This is a far cry far alligators which keep showing up in places they should not — retention ponds, golf courses, carports. At some point in the recent past Florida Wildlife Officials confirmed that alligators can, in fact, climb trees. Nope. No thank you. Not for me.

Florida is an absolutely gorgeous state with so much to offer. I’m not going to enjoy any of it as long as alligators can perch on the limbs above me and potentially tumble off. The day I get hit with a falling alligator is the day I’m fast tracking my ticket back to the land of sleet and snow.

Look, I am still scarred from the mouse corpse our cat stashed under a radiator a few weeks ago. You read that right. A deceased mouse was tucked up under a hot water radiator. I will leave that scent to your imagination.


If nature would respect boundaries this would never have happened. Back in Texas, it is estimated that up to 5,000 unregistered tigers are being kept in the state in backyards. I’m assuming some of those are multi-tiger households? I’m struggling to believe that 5,000 individuals are tiger owners.

It is safe to say, however, that the Lord still has it all figured out. Isn’t it just the circle of life if fish rain from the sky in a state that also has an awful lot of backyard tigers?


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