This dude ranch is much nicer than most ranches I have seen. The cowboys feed
us hay and oats, yet keep us mighty lean.
I heard one cowboy say, “A horse whose stomach’s fat and round, will let the
saddle slip on down. The dude will hit the ground.”
Well, stayin’ in this corral is what I’d like to do today. But haulin’ all these city
dudes is how I earn my stay.
Today I’ll prob’y get a dude whose sippin’ on the sauce. He’ll be hollerin’ out his
cowboy drawl then wave and say, “Hi Hoss.”
He’ll be tryin’ to impress his gal. She’ll laugh at all his jokes. I wish they’d give
me earplugs. I would tune out all these folks.
I’d rather have a dude who’ll sit the saddle nice and quiet. And maybe if I’m lucky
he’ll be workin’ on his diet.
Well, there’s a city dude I swear he’s bigger than a tree. And chompin’ down a
doughnut. Now he has his eye on me.
He’s wearing Justin cowboy boots. Is that a Stetson hat? His shiny brand new
belt buckle is pinchin’ up the fat.
He points in my direction. Says, “I’d like to ride that horse.” The cowboy says,
“He’s kinda rank. He might be your remorse.”
The city dude walked over and then stood at my left side. He looked a little
nervous. Said, “I’m up for this horse ride.”
I’ll lay my ears straight back and then I’ll snort and show my teeth! That fella
needs to know that very soon I’ll be his grief.
He tries to get a foothold but the stirrup’s up too high. I’ll keep my wits
about me then I’ll fool him on the sly.
He climbs up on the rail fence and then tries to make a leap. I do the side step,
just in time. I really have quick feet.
He hits all fours and bites the dirt. Oh what a dusty cloud! The cowboys come
a runnin’. I’m surrounded by a crowd.
I could be in some trouble. Hope the city dude won’t sue. ‘Cuz the next job
waitin’ for me is a tube of Elmer’s Glue.
Two friendly dudes soon help him and he climbs up on my back. I guess the fun
is over and we’re gettin’ back on track.
So why am I expected to haul this biggest hunk of flesh? It’s the life of every
dude horse and for that I must confess.
Let’s get this horse ride over and we’ll finish out the course! It’s just another day
for me, a dumb and old dude horse.
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