I know I am known for my “nature is not to be trusted” mantra. That is not to say, however, that there are not elements that nature gets exactly right. Recently, researchers have discovered that female frogs will escape the unwanted attention of male frogs by FAKING THEIR OWN DEATHS.
I’m not saying I need to fake my own death or anything. I’m just saying that sometimes, no matter how happy your relationship might be, you also might need a little break.
Mr. Wonderful and I have been together since the 1900s. I’d say we get along about 99% of the time. We are pretty evenly yoked, share a similar sense of humor and have built a whole life together. I adore him.
Mad
All that said, I spent the recent sunny and beautiful Sunday pouting because Mr. Wonderful criticized the way I mowed our daughter’s lawn. I swear, you run over six or seven tree roots and a couple dozen rocks, and “someone” has to have an opinion about it.
I finished the job, and it looked great. He teased me ever-so-gently about hitting everything. It hurt my feelings (and I was already tired — like a very old toddler, really). So I pouted. I’m not proud of that, but I own it.
I tried to keep it low-key and cool. I gave him the cold shoulder. Not that he noticed. He and GirlWonder were embroiled in planting 100 trees. Yes, really. 100 trees.
Sure, they were tiny little things, but they still required 100 holes. He didn’t even have a single minute to notice I was mad!
Is there anything worse than being good and truly peeved and nobody even notices? The nerve! Finally, late in the day, he suggested I run and get the tractor and mow a path through a back field to facilitate space for more trees.
This was it. He was really gonna know I was mad now. This was my moment! I drew myself up and said briskly, “Oh, I wouldn’t dare. I’m sure I’d do it WRONG.”
Do you know what this man did after 33 years together? Did he fall down in abject misery, begging for my forgiveness? Did he learn a valuable lesson? No. No, he did not. He laughed. My soulmate. My best friend. My CRITICIZER OF MY MOWING SKILLS laughed. Not at me in a mean-spirited way, mind you. No. He laughed WITH me. This was because the moment I uttered the words, I could no longer keep a straight face. All my anger just melted away.
Did he think I was being ridiculous? Absolutely. I KNOW I was being ridiculous. I was trying to be helpful, and he hurt my feelings. So there. So obviously, I handled it like a middle-aged toddler. I was cranky, hot, hungry and just plain over it. So, I pouted all day as previously mentioned, and then we laughed it off and had a really nice evening. Follow me for more relationship tips.
I also like to think that my job has been to even out some of the wilder ideas he’s had. He has had some great ideas. He married me after all. He also started a successful little side-hustle business that I frankly told him was a terrible idea and turned out to be brilliant. I’m still taking credit for that because I had previously struck down even WORSE ideas. This is what helped lead him to the good one.
I think it’s important to support one another, but there is also merit in one person having some pie-in-the-sky notion and the other shooting it down with kind practicality so you don’t lose the house.
That’s called balance.
Reality
I think reality checks are the key to a good relationship. We treat each other with kindness, civility, love and humor. The humor is key. Being married is an awful lot like having a reliably wonderful best friend who only listens to about half of what you say. I trust him with the raising of our children, my very life and the maintenance of virtually everything in our universe — I’m not entirely sure I trust him to load the dishwasher properly.
The second key focus is having patience with each other. Patience is what you have when there are too many witnesses.
