Have yourself a Hallmark Christmas

By Susan Crowell / Editor

All you critics (oh, hey, darling husband) can say what you will about the Hallmark Channel, but when life becomes too hectic, too depressing, too whatever, there’s nothing like a good Hallmark Christmas movie.

I know, I know. It’s not real life. Kids are never whiny brats, no one makes cookies in bleach-stained sweats, snow magically appears at just the right time, and a nonpregnant Jersey cow just gave birth to a Holstein calf (yep, it happened on the Hallmark Channel!).

Characters are too sappy. The plot is too predictable (Spoiler alert: Holly and Nick fall in love in the end, or Snow Valley gets saved from a developer AND Holly and Nick fall in love in the end).

And why do they all star Candace Cameron Bure?

If you want to hipster-ize your addiction, now you can tune into two original movies on Netflix, too: A Christmas Prince (now where have we watched that one before?) and Christmas Inheritance.

Here’s the thing: These movies just suck you in. You know how they’ll end, and you’ll die before admitting it to anyone, but you watch them anyway.

It’s called escaping, and is that so wrong in our current world of chaos, hate and spite? Push aside your cynicism, movies that make you feel good are timeless, ageless and guiltless. I’d watch Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas every single day, if I could.

You can learn a lot from a Hallmark Christmas movie — forgiveness, values, ethics, “work is not as important as family,” and transformation. Ah, yes, transformation. The main character usually has an epiphany about his/her life, and does an about face. We may never have that aha moment of a Hallmark plot, but we could all do well with some soul searching or to heed our gut when we feel the unease that our life is off track.

But I also discovered something along the typical plot: Most of the characters find themselves in a small town and discover the value of family and friends and the noncommercial joys of life. In other words, they want to be us — farmers and rural dwellers.

Of course, we never see the manure and the frozen water tank and the realities of farm life on the TV screen, but all these millions of viewers feel connected to our rural way of life, in a sense. To a time and place where neighbors matter, and people still help each other. To hope and love. To faith and miracles.

Sounds strikingly like the message given to us by a baby born so long ago. You know, the real reason for Christmas celebrations.

So you call roll your eyes all you want when someone mentions fa-la-la-la-Lifetime or that there’s now TWO Hallmark movie channels on cable, but we know you’re secretly a fan.

Oh, hey, darling husband, did I just walk into the sunporch to find you watching Christmas Under Wraps?