Say what?

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wedding rings

“Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.” 

I don’t like to think about life without Mr. Wonderful. That said, I can tell you that it’s very likely his cause of death will be claiming I never told him something that I ABSOLUTELY DID TELL HIM. I swear if that man claims he has no knowledge of something I have mentioned on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION one more time, I’m going to snap.

Of course, patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses. These kids seem prone to snitching. Thus he survives.

When a woman says “what?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said. When a man says “what?” he probably just wasn’t listening.

I don’t think it is intentional but sometime in the past few years Mr. Wonderful started hearing only about 3⁄4 of what I say to him – and that’s being generous. I do not know for certain if he really suffers from hearing loss, or if he has just learned to tune out my voice? I get it. I AM a lot to take. I’m opinionated, snippy, and change my mind like it’s my job. I’d probably tune me out too.

That said I also just know that sometimes you have to accept people where they are. I have learned, for example, that I can tell Mr. Wonderful all about our future plans. I can say helpful things like “this weekend we have dinner with the G’s, the following week we have that thing for your work and we have that awards thing on Thursday.”

What he hears is … nothing? As far as I can tell, anyway. I have been telling him our agenda for years now. He, in turn, has been waiting until the same day of any day and saying “do we have anything going on?”

It is a proven fact that women use twice as many words per day than men. I’m no linguist, but this is probably explained by the fact that we have to repeat everything we say to them.

He also is incapable of hearing shopping lists, anniversary reminders and anything all having to do with home decor. I, for my part, will never ever REALLY want to know what goes into an oil change, gutter cleaning or anything involving a “manifold.” I’m kind of girly. If it’s not a mani-pedi I’m not interested.

Frankly, husbands are also the very best people to share secrets with. They’ll never tell anyone because they probably weren’t even listening in the first place.

Of course, part of marriage is falling in love with the same person over and over again. I can say I have done that in spades. There is absolutely no one I would want to repeat myself to other than this guy. I hope he feels the same.

As for anyone who doesn’t want their electronic devices like Google Home or Alexa listening to you, just reset it to the male personality. Then it won’t listen to a thing you say.

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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

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