The world of online shopping

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We are living in magical times. We can have all the goods of the world delivered to our doorstep with a credit card and a click.

I love that I can pick up pre-ordered, fresh groceries by pulling up to the curb. One click and an online grocery cart populates and orders itself.

Predicted

Better yet, Girlwonder’s healthy requests have tricked the internet into thinking we are organic kale and mango people. It’s glorious.

Then I clicked to add one teensy weeny half gallon of vanilla ice cream, and, OK, maybe some Godiva chocolate. Now my online ordering system has upped their push toward broccoli and bean sprouts. Wrong.

Amazon, the source of most major brand Christmas gifts flaw is that “you may also like!” feature follows me around online. Suggestions based on past shopping even shows up on Facebook.

As an example, I bought Mr. Wonderful a trail camera and now the internet has me pegged as a big game hunter (with an inexplicable love for air freshener and blemish cream). I don’t know what to do with an archery set.

Those running accessories I bought him? So not me. Trust me. If you see me running, something is chasing me.

Despite Big Brother watching me, and getting me all wrong, I still love the ease of online life.

The fridge

The basket on the refrigerator door finally broke. It had been living on borrowed time.

It had cracked over a year ago under the weight of warehouse club sized bottles of ranch dressing.

We fixed that with the repair equivalent of bubble gum and stern looks. The gum finally gave out.

In the past when that happened we just went without. Traipsing off to the big box appliance stores to track down the exact make and model for our exact make and model was simply not worth the hassle.

As a result, my children did not know the luxury of storing condiments on the inside of a refrigerator door until we purchased a new refrigerator a few years ago.

These days, however, I was able to order a new one clicky quick. We just make a mental note to be careful opening the right hand door for a while.

All the bottles on that rack are hanging on for dear life for the next 7-10 business days.

Spoiled

Meanwhile, I’m ordering another crib mattress for the dogs.

Why do I have no money? I don’t know? It’s so mysterious.

We ordered one for them after being advised, by citizens of the internet, naturally, that crib mattresses make perfect larger dog beds. They do.

They work so well that our dogs don’t want to share so I think a second is in order. If I’m in I’m going all the way so I also ordered them crib sheets. I feel they would like blue.

I did draw the line at ordering them the organic cotton. I don’t want the internet thinking my dogs have gone soft.

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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.

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