Fountain of Inspiration

Kym Seabolt's porch

I’ve been really into fountains lately. This is definitely on brand for me because I like to take something that should be simple and make it as complicated as possible.

I started out wanting a simple, stationary birdbath for my newfound bird obsession, naturally. I can’t have dirty birds. They need a BATH. Then I saw that I could get a three tier fountain birdbath that cascaded water down multiple levels. All this would require was some plumbing, electric, maybe a new junction?

I don’t know because my personal Planning Commission (aka Mr. Wonderful) won’t sign off on my plan. I have submitted my designs repeatedly. By this I mean I repeatedly send him images I’ve snagged from offline of Bellagio level fountains with titles like “DIY in a Day!” that are clearly impossible to achieve but I like to dream.

He, for his part, feels it necessary to remind me that we are about one nightlight bulb away from completely overloading our electric panel. I don’t know why he always has to complicate my life with FACTS. That man is a buzzkill. Obviously, I have zero idea how residential electricity works. I just know that it would sound nice and be bubbly and the birds might like it. Again he points out that I am overloading the grid. Again with the DETAILS and FACTS, man. I continue to point out that water spewing OUTSIDE the house would be a refreshing change of pace.


Meanwhile, as anyone with an ounce of sense could have predicted, the project of replacing the death deck with something less crumbling has evolved into a whole event. I just wanted a small porch, but then it grew into a bigger porch (not my fault!) and then I just wanted a small gravel patio but as we know from gravel mountain, that also has grown.

On the bright side if you give me an afternoon on Pinterest all hopped up on coffee and overconfidence (excellent blog title by the way) I will find a way to use all that gravel and it will only cost about $7 million more than originally budgeted.

My father-in-law, Mr. Wonderful Sr., comes down almost every weekend to help us with this project. I don’t know why that man likes me, but thank goodness he does. He’s a saint. He’s also the one with the depth of construction experience that helped build the original deck so that the underpinning was still strong like iron. He kept repeating that we could’ve just replaced the rotted top decking and this thing may have lasted forever and a day. Yeah, I get that but Pinterest gave us ideas and Pinterest cannot be disputed.

So the project grew, as they are prone to do. We now have plans for a gravel patio, a new porch with engineered decking (fan-cy!), and a gravel pathway that wraps around to an “apron.” There may be stepping stones, a retaining wall, boulders, and plants. My mother gifted us shrubs of our choosing. I wanted hydrangeas but they are apparently toxic to goats.

Since we all know Buttercream does as she pleases, snowball bushes will have to do. Honestly, I’ve rather lost the plot at this point but I’m sure it will all be lovely. Or it will be a hot mess. Either way, something is going to happen!

It’s not that I want to complicate things. It’s just that the plan I start with and then as things evolve the plan I see in my head are often too tired, entirely different things. And I mean, who are we, or more pointedly Mr. Wonderful, to argue with our visions?

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