New clothing line likely not in my future


Do you think the witness protection program offers a new wardrobe? More importantly, can I enroll before I have to appear in anything “dressier” than Santa print PJs for the holidays?
Not asking for much. I’d like to dress better. I would. And I’m not even talking about wearing a designer gown cut down to places my husband had to marry me to see, or classic blouses that “at only $180 a pop I should snap up in every color!”
No, I’d be happy if I just had shoes without chewed-up heels, or that, even chewed, at the very least matched my handbag.
If you have ever feigned amnesia and/or reversed direction in a supermarket aisle simply to avoid having to face someone you know because you wouldn’t be caught dead – or on aisle 3 – in the outfit you are about to be caught shopping in, you feel my pain.
“What happened to you? You used to be


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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.