It happens that sometimes I have an entirely different essay written and ready to file, and then, bam! Life happens. I’m just minding my business. I’ve got a subject. I’ve polished and honed it, and I’m ready to hit send. Then, I see the news. I sigh. I try to ignore the headline that has an entirely new essay practically writing itself. Alas, I cannot.
This happened recently. The headline is, and I am not making this up, “Emotional support alligator is no longer welcome in Walmart.” No mention of whether it is welcome in Target or Sam’s Club, but the implication is no.
Before concerns about this recent visit were raised, the alligator’s owner (scale-parent?) said he and his gator experienced nothing but praise.
“We have been going to that Walmart for about 3 1/2 years and normally the reaction is, ‘That’s pretty cool,’” he told NBC News.
Look, if I come across someone toting an alligator in the Walmart — or anywhere else — I will also say “Cool, cool,” while backing quickly away. Are you really going to ARGUE with a man holding an alligator?
It goes without saying that the alligator is obviously trained to help with this man’s affliction. I’m not a medical expert, of course, but I do wonder if that affliction is being addicted to attention?
Far be it from me to agree with “The Man” in the form of a soulless corporation — or whatever it is we are supposed to feel about Walmart. Nonetheless, I can see their side in this. It’s all fun and games until someone runs afoul of the alligator. You just know the lawsuit would name Walmart as culpable for knowingly allowing an alligator to shop.
They should, at the very least, insist he uses online ordering and pickup.
Fly
Emotional support wildlife is not new. A college student sued their university after she was denied permission to have her emotional support hamster live in her dorm.
An emotional support peacock made headlines when United Airlines refused to allow the peacock to board the plane. In the peacock’s defense, it HAD purchased a ticket. A possum was similarly denied access to a flight. I mean, that is impressive. I haven’t flown in years, and peacocks and possums are out here trying to rack up reward miles?
Honestly, what is happening to our freedoms? It starts with not allowing peacocks or possums on planes. The next thing you know, we have fallen down a slippery slope, and you can’t even bring your alligator into Walmart!
Of course, I had to research this phenomenon for myself. By research, I mean, of course, that I Googled it (yes, that is a verb). Turns out this isn’t even the first emotional support alligator. Who knew? In 2022, CNN covered Wally the alligator, who lived in Philly. According to his owner, “He’s just lovable. He sleeps with me … steals my blankets. He’s just awesome.”
As someone who has routinely been aggressively attacked BY MY OWN CAT, I am just going to trust him on that. Sadly, it appears that Wally the Gator may have eventually moved out on his own, and his fate is not currently known — by me anyway. I don’t like sad animal stories, so I didn’t dig too deeply. I want to believe Wally moved back to Florida to enjoy the sunny weather with friends. It is what most northerners eventually do, after all.
