I will, as I like to say, never yuck someone else’s yum. Everyone doesn’t like everything. We all have our own little hobbies. I say, you do you, boo. Nonetheless, I am glad to say I am marked safe from ever waiting in ridiculously long lines for the grand opening of a gas station.
I make a lot of other questionable life choices like it’s my job, but I’ve never been wired to want to be first in anything. I’m like anti-competitive in that way. I pass on doorbuster sales, grand openings, waiting all night in line for tickets and even opening day of estate sales, despite my love of thrift. I will not wait in a long line just for the chance to take a number to look through other people’s cast-offs. I’m more a “come on the last day and load up for 75% off” kind of gal.
I’m less of an early adopter and more of the “let others get the kinks out first” type of person. I have never been the first to jump on board with new technology. It took me years to get a smartphone, a fitness tracker and even a laptop. For years, I worked from home every single day, tied down with a desktop computer that hailed from the 1900s! Regular pioneer life, I tell ya.
It’s only in the last few years that I’ve realized that there really is an “app for that” for just about everything. I use my smartphone to take photos, sure, but mainly for ordering food. Groceries, take out, fast food — doesn’t matter. I hop on and order on my app. That I can do.
There are certain milestones in a community that shape history forever. The founding of the town. The construction of the first public school. And, of course, the grand opening of a commercially franchised gas station. I’m not talking about your cute little local cinder-block building manned by a guy called “Pops.” No, I’m talking about the blindingly bright and shiny plastic creation that is a mash-up of practical needs: gas, air and restrooms — and an amusement park. With all the things to do at large-scale gas stations these days, can a waterpark be far behind? Free super tube slide with every fill up?
The advertising campaign for the grand opening started over a month earlier and made the Super Bowl look underfunded.
Let me start by saying that I don’t dislike gas stations. They perform a vital service. I dislike pushing a vehicle that has run out of gas. Therefore, I rely on them. I am fond of the way they offer random items like soda, potato chips and a light-up velvet rose for that hint of romance at 2 a.m. I admire the marketing that somehow convinces us that paying nearly $4 a gallon for gas is a real deal because we are amassing “reward points.” Nonetheless, harkening back to my deep hatred of standing in line, celebrating a gas station’s birth is where I draw the line.
Hoopla
I happened to drive by when the countdown began. There was definitely a fair amount of hoopla. People were chanting, I kid you not. I was told there were free hats, can koozies and other goodies — I wouldn’t know. I did not attend. I feel it is only right, as a bona fide curmudgeon, to allow someone with a better attitude and outlook on the whole thing to have my spot.
With 25 cents off per gallon, it made perfect sense that you really couldn’t get close to the pumps for most of the morning, I’m told. The next morning, the fuss evaporated. The gas station was just a gas station again: a place to buy beef jerky, lottery tickets and 99-cent, ice-cold sodas served in cups the size of a grain silo.
Of course, we could not resist the siren song of the newness for long. Within a week, we stopped by the new place to fill up and order some jalapeno poppers — as one does at a gas station. It was really nice, even though Mr. Wonderful became frustrated at the sun glare on the touchpad ordering kiosk because we are very old and want to just TALK to actual people.
For my part, I couldn’t get the app to load my new “rewards card” because the verification email kept going to my SPAM folder. Despite these obstacles, we did finally manage to get signed up, verified six ways from Sunday, pump gas AND get some snacks. It was a nice time.
Pulling away from the pumps, we marveled at this growth in our tiny village. At that very moment, our bank alerted us that we had been charged four times for the same drive-thru order due to a little glitch. So there was nothing “grand” about that.
