The great squirrel attack

Farm and Dairy file photo.

The way I understand it, squirrels are the devil, but rabbits are perfectly harmless.

This is according to my dogs. Really, I should say dog singular. It is not plural.

One of our two dogs wouldn’t chase a squirrel if it ran across the tip of his nose. Granted, he might snap at it hoping it was a snack, but if any effort was required such as standing or looking briskly in it’s general direction, Jagger is out.

Ace, our German Shepherd, is the one who is sure that certain segments of nature interloping onto our property are out to do us harm. Squirrels chief among them.

Pouncing effort

When he was just a pup, I once opened the door only to have him shoot out as if from a cannon. He cleared the porch steps yard and driveway in maybe three bounds and pounced on a squirrel that never saw him coming.

Moments later, a sharp nip and dog’s surprised squeal earned that particular squirrel release, and Ace a lifetime list of enemies. Enemies who lurked in trees around his domain.

Clearly, we were surrounded. Oh yes, it was on.

Other animals. Meanwhile, wild turkeys, deer, our own rambling goats, raccoons, and a variety of toads and snakes all cavort through the backyard like they’re auditioning for a Disney flick with nary a glance from this dog.

Woe befall the squirrel who dares to step a tiny paw onto our perimeter. This offense shall not stand!

At sight of a squirrel, that dog erupts in a flurry of snarling anger that would send chills down anyone’s spine. Fortunately, entire generations of squirrels appear to have now been raised to blissfully ignore him from the branches above.

I think entire generations of squirrels have evolved into a sort of canine mocking specialty squirrel. I mean, I don’t speak squirrel but I’m pretty sure they are laughing at Ace.

Rabbits are safe

I have seen this same dog sigh and go back to his soccer ball when a rabbit hopped within a few feet of him. It’s fortunate he doesn’t sound the alarm for rabbits.

We are polluted with rabbits this year, they’re everywhere. This isn’t to say we don’t all enjoy a random installment of phantom barking.

That is when the dogs mobilize to go completely berserk. This is best done late at night.

Bonus points if I’m home alone. I’ve reached that age where I value my sleep. I catch myself getting annoyed that they are trying to save me.

“Look, fellas. All I’m saying is there better be a slasher outside.”

That, or an entire gang of squirrels bent on mass destruction.


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Warm, witty and just a wee bit warped, Kymberly Foster Seabolt is a native of Kent, Ohio, who survived childhood exposure to disco and grew up to marry and move to the country. Her column weaves her special brand of humor with poignant, entertaining, and honest portrayals of parenting, marriage, and real life. She currently lives in northeastern Ohio with her husband, two children, two dogs, two cats, and numerous dust bunnies who wish to remain nameless.



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