This weekend our son, BoyWonder (actually ManWonder, but he will always be our boy) asked a very pertinent question. We were picking up their new washer/dryer unit. It’s a sleek stacking thing that has nearly as much chrome as a classic car. It also cost more than my first car (which, to be fair, is not saying much). In looking over the lengthy list of all the features this modern marvel of laundering offers, we noted that it boasts having Wi-Fi. That’s right. An internet connection FOR THE WASHER AND DRYER. It is not alone in this. Stovetops, ranges, dishwashers, refrigerators and even air-fryers are also “connected” these days. In case your Buffalo wings or French fries need to make a quick internet search? BoyWonder, seeing that his new appliances have Wi-Fi said what we all must be thinking: Why does every new appliance have wifi? Who is the washer speaking to?
Connected
I get it. It’s tempting to be TOTALLY CONNECTED. Who doesn’t want an app that can allow you to schedule your washer and dryer cycles? Me, actually, but that isn’t the point. About a decade ago I asked an appliance salesperson why manufacturers were adding Wi-Fi and was told it’s “for the next generation.” I was raising that generation at the time, and that seemed like an iffy answer but OK.
Everything we own seems eager to communicate with us now. Not people, we talk less than ever, hiding behind text messages, emails and social media. Your appliances, however? They’ve got lots to say.
Obviously, some of my skepticism changed when it was noted that disabled consumers liked that the washer could notify them when the cycle was done, so they didn’t have to keep checking it. I can also see how it’s helpful for notifying you if your refrigerator stops cooling or if something is leaking everywhere. Oh, how I wish our bidet had SOS ability when it sprang a leak. We were out of town when the hose popped off and flooded the upstairs bathroom and the living room below. I also had a nearly new dishwasher go rogue and grind gears wildly while we were away. A little heads-up would have been appreciated that day.
So, just in the space of four hundred words, I’ve convinced myself maybe all our home appliances DO need to stay in touch? How is my toaster supposed to keep me informed without it? It is also no secret that I ADORE my Wi-Fi-enabled light bulbs, when I’m not using my “mom voice” to shout at them in vain attempts to get them to behave.
On that note, even as more things are “connecting,” we seem to be growing tired of the endless digital options offered to us. The “subscribe to everything” era is unraveling. After years of stacking streaming platforms, delivery perks and digital add-ons, a new survey from Self Financial shows the average household cut its paid subscriptions from 4.1 in 2024 to just 2.8 this year.
I get that. I was once thrilled to “cut the cord” that linked us to cable. I was sure the savings would be legendary. Spoiler alert. It was not. We slowly added back various separate streaming channels for the low-low prices of $4.99 a month. Soon, those channels added up as each program we enjoyed had its own channel, subscription model, and auto-renewal price tag. I’m not the sharpest math tool in the drawer, but eventually I caught on that those monthly subscriptions add up to over $100 annually per channel. I went on a cancellation rampage recently, and it felt quite good. I’m still more than willing to pay for quality — or entertaining trash — if we will actually enjoy it. I am not willing to have hundreds per month flying out of our bank account just in case I need to watch a crime show on one of 10 subscription channels. I will always pay extra for Hallmark Christmas movies, though. How else can I be sure the city slicker career gal falls for small town charm and saves Christmas?
Robot
A while ago there was talk about how robot vacuums are programmed to map out your floor plan. If that intel is compromised, what danger might that be? Does an army of robot vacuums now have a map to your house? Sounds risky. I do not have an automatic vacuum such as Roomba because I have dogs the size of dust bunnies. Friends report that despite all the technology involved, they frequently find their robot vacuum balancing on the edge of a stairwell as if it was trying to end it all.
I’m honestly comforted by this fact. I’m not terribly concerned about an impending appliance uprising if, at this point, they cannot even manage stairs.
