Like most middle-aged folks, I sure wish I actually knew everything I THOUGHT I knew when I was about 19 or 20. I just felt so much smarter then.
Recently, the topic of parental advice was discussed on Mother’s Day with friends. We came to realize we should have listened to our mothers, grandmothers and other purveyors of wisdom much earlier than we actually did. There are so many nuggets that we eye roll as youth that suddenly make a LOT more sense as we reach a certain age.
For example: “You made your bed, now lie in it.” This saying is not, as it turns out, about housekeeping. I used to make decisions without thinking them through and then whine when things didn’t go my way. Eventually, I realized that owning my choices and mistakes just makes more sense.
On that note, it’s also important to not complain about something you’re not willing to change. There was a phase when I’d vent to anyone who’d listen —but never actually do anything about the things I was concerned about.
In reality, complaining without action rarely leads to any real change. Once I stopped waiting and started making better choices and stepping up to help make changes, my entire outlook changed. Action not only speaks louder than words, but it also garners better results.
Bloom
On that note, I’m a big believer in blooming where you’re planted. Blooming isn’t about where you are — it’s about deciding to thrive no matter what.
While you are busy blooming any and everywhere, mind your own business. Some people will always find something to gossip about, so you might as well give them something fabulous. As a young woman, I used to waste so much time worrying about what people thought of me. My mother’s words of wisdom have served me very well. “You’d be surprised how little other people think of you at all.” This isn’t unkind. It’s a fact.
Eventually, I figured out that people will talk no matter what, so I might as well live in a fair and civil way that suits me and those I love, and let others think — and say — what they’re going to anyway. A wise saying to remember is “There are THREE sides to every story. Your side, the other side, and somewhere in BETWEEN lies the truth.”
In my early 20s I used to stay up all night after work then just go back into work!?! I’m not saying it was a good idea, but it is definitely what I chose to do. Now, I value my energy. I need 3 to 5 business days to recover from intense social interactions.
At a certain age, those childhood punishments such as an early bedtime and staying home actually become rewards. I have learned that time and energy are not endless — and protecting them must be nonnegotiable. There’s a freedom in knowing your limits and honoring them. I have to protect my peace.
One note on housekeeping DOES ring true. “A place for everything, and everything in its place.” This just seemed like nagging when I was a child and teen. Now, I have seen the error of my ways.
Whether it be household goods, relationships or the weight of our own opinions, an orderly life really does bring peace. I know that I need to get over my need to have our home appear as if no one really lives in it though. I’m a work in progress and am definitely going to need some guidance about balance. I’ll work on that when I’m older.
