Saturday, December 10, 2016

I am the scourge of good editors because I tend to write about things in whatever the exact opposite of timeliness is.

All of my columns carry alternate titles (if only in my head). What the nice typesetter might call it and what I call it is often something else entirely.

What ever happened to "play nice?" News sources quote a Chinese safety official with the "General Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine" (whew!) as saying that discussion with the United States over how much lead paint could be used in toys were being worked out by product safety officials in both countries.

The most common misconception in America today is that criminals are crafty, cunning and smart. In reality, I think most people turn to a life of crime because they are just too stupid to do anything else.

They are to stand in three (almost) straight lines on the shiny wooden floor. Tennis shoes screech loudly in that nails-on-chalkboard yet oddly satisfying way that they sometimes do on gymnasium floors, as 46 feet swivel into position.

I know this is a column about life and all the funny little things that can happen when living it. I hope you generally enjoy it.

I am the mother I warned myself about. In all those blissful early years of having children (babies, really), I had big plans to do very little.

If a wall is going to fall on me (and it's generally safe to assume it WILL), then you would think that at the VERY least, something valuable could fall with it.

He is wanted for transgressions against humanity. His alleged crime spree includes such offenses as touching, being "weird," "totally annoying" and, on occasion, "looking at me funny.

Giving new merit to the term "fashion police," baggy pants that show boxer shorts or thong underwear would be illegal under a proposed amendment to Atlanta's indecency laws.
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