With a quick swipe on our phones, we can instantly access news and information. Call me old, but I still enjoy holding a real newspaper. One of my core childhood memories is reading the Ashtabula County Star Beacon. Each day, my dad would flip first to the obituaries just to make sure his name was not in there before moving on to the comics. Meanwhile, I dove into the sports section and always ended with Abigail Van Buren’s famous Dear Abby column.
I was fascinated by the way Dear Abby tackled everyday dilemmas with practical wisdom. All these years later, I realize her influence may have rubbed off on me. In my OSU Extension role, I often feel like the farm management version of Dear Abby, listening to real‑life “Dear Extension” questions from producers. Today, I want to share a few of these questions and guidance that might help others facing similar challenges.
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Dear Extension: I love dairy farming, but I’m exhausted. My parents work from sunup to well past sundown. I want to be present for my family, but my parents say that cows don’t take days off. How can I get them to see that wanting balance does not mean that I am not committed to the farm?
— I Am Tired
Dear I Am Tired: Your parents are from a time when long hours were necessary for survival. However, burnout is real and a major reason young people are leaving our industry. Work-life balance isn’t weakness; it’s a retention strategy. Start by communicating openly about your expectations. Create a written plan for time off and how to cross‑train so no one is the only person who can do a job. Schedule monthly check-ins to adjust the system. Talk about what is and isn’t working. Cows may not take days off, but humans must.
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Dear Extension: My son has worked full‑time with me for years at lower pay. I thought he understood it was part of earning sweat equity, just like I did with my father. To me, that’s loyalty and patience: you work hard because it will all be yours someday. Now he’s questioning it, and I’m hurt. Why doesn’t he trust that I’ll take care of him?
—Not Trusted
Dear Not Trusted: Sweat equity has long been based on trust, sacrifice and verbal promises but the world has changed. Without a clear written plan, even good‑faith intentions can be misunderstood or forgotten over time. You don’t have to choose between trust and paperwork; you need both. Create a written sweat‑equity agreement outlining what tasks count, how they are valued and what equity is earned. When expectations are defined, trust becomes easier for everyone.
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Dear Extension: We live in the old farmhouse next to my in-laws. I love them, but we have no privacy. There is always someone in the driveway, and my mother-in-law drops in unannounced. My husband reminds me that this is the price of getting to live in a free house. How do I bring this up without starting a family feud?
—Needing Privacy
Dear Needing Privacy: Living and working on a family farm often blurs the lines between personal and farm space. It is natural to feel unsettled when these boundaries are not clearly defined. Wanting privacy isn’t selfish. It is healthy and necessary for a strong marriage. The first step is having an honest conversation with your husband. This isn’t about criticizing his family but establishing boundaries that support your relationship. Decide together what reasonable limits look like and communicate them respectfully. Good boundaries prevent conflict; they don’t create it.
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Dear Extension: I have stayed on the farm, worked long hours, and kept things running while my siblings have built their own lives off the farm. Now I am hearing rumblings that our inheritance should be equal. I’m not trying to take everything. What does fairness look like?
— Equal is Not Fair
Dear Equal is Not Fair: You are not alone; this is one of the most common struggles in farm families. It usually isn’t about greed. Most parents want to keep the peace and desire to treat all their kids equally. There simply isn’t enough cash to divide among off‑farm heirs. If the goal is to pass the farm on as business to the next generation, the farming heir often does end up receiving more. I encourage your entire family to attend one of our OSU Extension’s Planning for the Future of Your Farm workshops to learn more about fair versus equal in farm transition.
Final thoughts
At the end of the day, every farm family faces its own set of questions, pressures and decisions. These “Dear Extension” letters remind us that honest communication, clear expectations and a little compassion can ease even the toughest conversations. And just like the old Dear Abby column I grew up reading, sometimes the first step toward a solution is simply being willing to ask the question.
