No one can deny that 2025 has, thus far, been an interesting year. Nonetheless, did anyone have the headline “raccoon caught on camera in driver’s seat with meth pipe” on their bingo card? I have long been known for my steadfast mantra that “nature is not to be trusted.” I still cannot say I saw THAT coming. Ranger Rick never once alluded to this possibility.
My beloved and beautiful home state, Ohio, is not-so-proud to offer up that officers in Springfield Township, Ohio pulled over a driver only to find a raccoon, named “Chewy” actively smoking meth in the driver’s seat. Now, having a pet raccoon isn’t entirely out of the realm of normal. Having a pet raccoon who is sitting in the driver’s seat with a meth pipe in its mouth definitely is. The driver was charged with possession of drugs. No word as of yet if Chewy was charged with anything. Hearing the officer order “no, don’t touch that, it’s evidence” was worth every bit of the experience. We are assured by Springfield Police that “no raccoons were hurt or injured in this incident.” One would hope Chewy was offered rehab at the very least. As far as we know it is his first offense. I do wonder how one even defends this situation? Did the human charged with drug possession try the timeless “it’s not mine, the raccoon brought that with him” argument?
I think we can all agree that this is one instance of the constant video recording of every facet of life coming in very handy. Imagine if they didn’t have the Bodycam footage from the police officer who was involved? Without solid proof they might be trying to drug test HIM. “Raccoon with a meth pipe you say? Just go ahead and see the nurse in the lab.”
Honestly, we should have seen the raccoon uprising coming. There were signs.
Snack
A few years ago a raccoon was caught inside a vending machine at a Florida high school. At the time it was simply assumed he had crawled inside the machine looking for an honest snack. In retrospect we now have to wonder if there was something more afoot? Did the raccoon have the munchies?
Speaking of ravenous wildlife, a woman in Washington state had to call 9-1-1 when she was surrounded by over 100 raccoons demanding food. She claimed that after feeding them for over three decades they had banned together in a sort of “raccoon mafia” demanding total obedience. She locked herself in a vehicle and called the police. Sadly there is no bodycam footage of this one. I cannot imagine how you persuade raccoons who have enjoyed the generational wealth of daily feeding that there is no more free lunch.
In Washington DC raccoon squatters invaded an apartment building. Some residents reported that exterminators came as often as daily for over a year removing the critters. Is it at all possible it’s just the same, very determined, raccoon? Was the animal properly served? I used to be a landlord. The paperwork is very important in an eviction.
I am going to continue to believe that nature, despite what Walt Disney has told us, is not all cute and cuddly innocence. Some of them have a rap sheet and a record. It should be obvious that anything that comes from birth wearing a little burglar mask is probably not to be trusted.
