Tagging on to my ghost essay of last week, I have a situation to share. We have a lamp in our bedroom that turns on every morning at 4:10 a.m. Monday through Friday. We have no idea why. Look, I know it’s not a ghost. Unless it’s the ghost of smart technology that I’ve somehow lost track of. Is this how the machines have an uprising? It starts with lamps that go off the grid and start to control themselves? I have various apps to control all the smart devices in our house. Unfortunately, I am not smart enough to control them. In fact, I’m being outsmarted by them.
The dire wolf, which went extinct 12,500 years ago, has been revived by biotech company Colossal Biosciences. OK, I am no scientist but there is literally an entire movie franchise based on why this is a colossal-sized bad idea.
Meanwhile, we still don’t have a cure for cancer — or the common cold. It’s ridiculous that nobody has figured out how to stop a drawstring from going inside the sweat pants and being lost forever, but extinct wolf species? We are on it! This feels like scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.
It’s no secret I’m not a nature lover overall. I mean I LOVE the idea of nature, and I respect and am glad it’s there, but I’ve never wanted to commune with it much. This is why I was caught off guard by the fact that I have a favorite bird now. I never saw that coming. We installed a bird feeder “for the cat.” It turns out I am as fascinated — if not more — by the birds. I now monitor their seed and suet intake, bother Mr. Wonderful when it needs refilled, and generally keep tabs on my bird friends. I get a large variety of amazing birds, including the flashy cardinals, sweet little yellow ones (technical term) and my newly minted favorite: the downy woodpecker. Downy woodpeckers are found in a wide range of habitats, including orchards, which explains his or her presence in our (former) historic orchard. For all I know the woodpecker family goes back generations here. Perhaps I’m living in THEIR place?
I now spend my mornings looking out the window, waiting for MY bird to show up. When did I become this person? It’s like I spent my entire life wholly indifferent to birds, then bam! “A favorite bird has been assigned to you.” So, I’m a woodpecker gal now.
I wonder what’s next? Will I have a favorite marsupial? I feel like the kangaroo is the obvious answer, but I’m going with possum to back the local wildlife. Fish? Goldfish, obviously. I have to identify with their memory issues. I also like squirrels — when they stay OUTDOORS. I am the rare bird that doesn’t get excited about deer on the lawn because I’m concerned about deer ticks. They’re pretty from a distance, though. I’ll grant them that.
So, this is where I am at this point in my life. I’m resigned to spending my days watching for woodpeckers and wondering why my smart bulbs go on and off at whim.
