What do you get the Dad who has everything? I’m not sure, since all dads differ. I do know that you probably should NOT get him a zebra. I feel like this is a good time to mention that just because you can have a pet zebra, it doesn’t mean you should.
Although black and white do go with almost everything, they really don’t make good pets. Just ask Ed. Ed the zebra, newly transplanted to Tennessee, went viral last week when he escaped from a farm and went on the run outside of Nashville for over a week.
You know the old phrase “If you hear hoofbeats, you assume it’s a horse, not a zebra.” That was NOT the case for all the people who very nearly crossed paths with Ed.
Before finally being captured, Ed was spotted running across an Interstate and forcing the shutdown of the highway. He escaped into a wooded area and was also seen on multiple porch cameras as he trotted through multiple neighborhoods. Sighting Ed became such a game around the region that people swore they saw him in a Waffle House.
It’s not clear why Ed found himself roaming around the southern U.S. other than the fact that Ed’s “owners” (we use that term loosely) allegedly have two other zebras. Ed was to be Zebra number three. A collection completion, if you will. Ed didn’t last 24 hours in his new home before he busted clean out and went on the run. We are told Ed’s fence was 6 feet tall, but that could not contain his unbridled spirit (see what I did there?) To be fair to his owners, I don’t care what you do. Sometimes your horses, cows, pigs and chickens are going to get out. I live in a rural area. The posts about lost and found chickens, goats, sheep, pigs, cows and ponies are weekly around here. See also: peacocks and the occasional swan. No zebras, though.
All these fun zebra facts aside, maybe just don’t get Dad a zebra. Originating in Africa, they are classified as equines. However, they are nothing like the sweet old horse your Mamaw kept in her backyard.
When zebras are threatened and can’t run, their instinct is to attack.
“My, what big teeth you have,” takes on a whole new meaning. You’ve heard kangaroos can be dangerous? Well, a zebra kick can kill a lion. There was a video that went viral a few years ago showing a zebra biting an attacking crocodile and managing to escape. I think it’s safe to say you should let any globetrotting zebras have the right of way. Yield to the black and white.
As of now, most of us probably still haven’t seen a pig fly, but we can officially say we’ve seen a zebra fly. Ed was finally captured, tranquilized and airlifted in a sling to an awaiting trailer. In videos of the process, he looks so nonchalant. There he was just twirling around in his sling mid-air with his little tail sticking out. Can you imagine just glancing out your car window — or your home — to see a zebra casually strolling by? Now imagine if you saw a zebra being airlifted past your house! I would immediately call off work.
“Look, I don’t FEEL sick, but something is clearly NOT right.”
Again. More noticeable in the videos of the Ed-lift is that Ed is completely unrepentant. You can see it on his face. 11/10 he will pull this again. The prison stripes are a dead giveaway.
If anything, ol’ Ed has now had a chance to survey the best escape routes from the air. He’s getting a good lay of the land up there and very likely plotting his next escape. Don’t count Ed out yet. This may all be part of a grander plan. Ed needs a social media handler and an accountant. If he can’t make it to the Waffle House, we can at least put money on his commissary.
